Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. as many as two thirds of children are now obese. schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. to what extent do you agree with thhis statement?

#childhood #obesity #australia #two #thirds #children #schools #responsibility #students #amount #exercise #thhis

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An obesity

Remove the article

Obesity

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is a disease which is

continuesly

Correct your spelling

continuously

Increasing in

childern

Correct your spelling

children

in Australia, and 33% of

chilldren

Correct your spelling

children

are already obese. Many people believe that

schools

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are responsible

to monitor

Change preposition

for monitoring

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Change preposition

apply

show examples

their

staudent's

Correct your spelling

student's

students

exercise

Use synonyms

and eating

habbits

Correct your spelling

habits

while

Linking Words

others

contradit

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contradict

this

Linking Words

statement.

This

Linking Words

essay will discuss why I

Unnecessary verb

apply

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firmaly

Correct your spelling

firmly

oppose it. There are numerous reasons behind the truth that why

schools

Use synonyms

ought not be responsible

to monitor

Change preposition

for monitoring

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the student's diet and

exercise

Use synonyms

amount, but the most persuasive one is that it is not the

role

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of teachers. As teachers are there to educate them,

there

Replace the word

their

show examples

role

Use synonyms

is not to keep

the

Correct article usage

show examples

record of

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exercise

Correct article usage

the exercise

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and eating

habbits

Correct your spelling

habits

of the

students

Use synonyms

in fact it is the

role

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of the parents. Teachers or

schools

Use synonyms

can only educate them about the benefits of

execise

Correct your spelling

exercise

and nutrition

therefore

Linking Words

it is the parent's duty to make their children

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

eat healthy and

Unnecessary verb

apply

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exercise

Use synonyms

Thus

Linking Words

, the

Use synonyms

schools

Change to a genitive case

school's

schools'

show examples

role

Use synonyms

is not to monitor what their

students

Use synonyms

eat and how much

exercise

Use synonyms

they do.

Secondly

Linking Words

, the

students

Use synonyms

can feel inferior if a teacher

will ask

Wrong verb form

asks

show examples

them about what they have eaten in front of the class. Some

students

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are very

soft hearted

Add a hyphen

soft-hearted

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, and they feel shame when a teacher

ask

Correct subject-verb agreement

asks

show examples

anything personal

therefore

Linking Words

the chances of feeling inferior are great if a teacher

will ask

Wrong verb form

asks

show examples

guide

Correct subject-verb agreement

guides

show examples

them to eat less and

Verb problem

apply

show examples

exercise

Use synonyms

becuase

Correct your spelling

because

they are obese.

Study

Fix the agreement mistake

Studies

show examples

have shown that every year 0.5%

Use synonyms

students

Change preposition

of students

show examples

Verb problem

commit

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suicide

becuase

Correct your spelling

because

feeling

Wrong verb form

feel

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inferior in front

the

Change preposition

of the

show examples

class, and the percentage can increase if

schools

Use synonyms

would

Verb problem

are

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involve

Wrong verb form

involved

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this

Linking Words

matter.

This

Linking Words

essay discussed the reasons why

schools

Use synonyms

ought not to take

this

Linking Words

responsiblity

Correct your spelling

responsibility

. In conclusion,

schools

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can only educate

Change preposition

apply

show examples

students

Use synonyms

about it,

however

Linking Words

, it is the

parent

Fix the agreement mistake

parents

show examples

who should monitor their children's

execise

Correct your spelling

exercise

and eating

habbits

Correct your spelling

habits

Thu Nov 21 2019

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
40
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

1 paragraphs

299 words

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Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statement?
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Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. as many as two thirds of children are now obese. schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. to what extent do you agree with thhis statement?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Some cities create housing areas by providing taller buildings. Others create housing by building houses on a wider area of land. What solution is better?

The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. The new fashion will be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life. To what extent do you agree?

Many supermarkets are selling more and more products that are imported from other countries instead of selling food that is locally sourced. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

More and more people are relying on the private car as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problems over-reliance on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution.

Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statement?