Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. as many as two thirds of children are now obese. schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. to what extent do you agree with thhis statement?

#childhood #obesity #australia #two #thirds #children #schools #responsibility #students #amount #exercise #thhis

An obesity

Remove the article

Obesity

show examples

is a disease which is

continuesly

Correct your spelling

continuously

Increasing in

childern

Correct your spelling

children

in Australia, and 33% of

chilldren

Correct your spelling

children

are already obese. Many people believe that

schools

are responsible

to monitor

Change preposition

for monitoring

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their

staudent's

Correct your spelling

student's

students

exercise

and eating

habbits

Correct your spelling

habits

while

others

contradit

Correct your spelling

contradict

this

statement.

This

essay will discuss why I

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

firmaly

Correct your spelling

firmly

oppose it. There are numerous reasons behind the truth that why

schools

ought not be responsible

to monitor

Change preposition

for monitoring

show examples

the student's diet and

exercise

amount, but the most persuasive one is that it is not the

role

of teachers. As teachers are there to educate them,

there

Replace the word

their

show examples

role

is not to keep

the

Correct article usage

show examples

record of

exercise

Correct article usage

the exercise

show examples

and eating

habbits

Correct your spelling

habits

of the

students

in fact it is the

role

of the parents. Teachers or

schools

can only educate them about the benefits of

execise

Correct your spelling

exercise

and nutrition

therefore

it is the parent's duty to make their children

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

eat healthy and

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

exercise

Thus

, the

schools

Change to a genitive case

school's

schools'

show examples

role

is not to monitor what their

students

eat and how much

exercise

they do.

Secondly

, the

students

can feel inferior if a teacher

will ask

Wrong verb form

asks

show examples

them about what they have eaten in front of the class. Some

students

are very

soft hearted

Add a hyphen

soft-hearted

show examples

, and they feel shame when a teacher

ask

Correct subject-verb agreement

asks

show examples

anything personal

therefore

the chances of feeling inferior are great if a teacher

will ask

Wrong verb form

asks

show examples

guide

Correct subject-verb agreement

guides

show examples

them to eat less and

Verb problem

apply

show examples

exercise

becuase

Correct your spelling

because

they are obese.

Study

Fix the agreement mistake

Studies

show examples

have shown that every year 0.5%

students

Change preposition

of students

show examples

Verb problem

commit

show examples

suicide

becuase

Correct your spelling

because

feeling

Wrong verb form

feel

show examples

inferior in front

the

Change preposition

of the

show examples

class, and the percentage can increase if

schools

would

Verb problem

are

show examples

involve

Wrong verb form

involved

show examples

this

matter.

This

essay discussed the reasons why

schools

ought not to take

this

responsiblity

Correct your spelling

responsibility

. In conclusion,

schools

can only educate

Change preposition

apply

show examples

students

about it,

however

, it is the

parent

Fix the agreement mistake

parents

show examples

who should monitor their children's

execise

Correct your spelling

exercise

and eating

habbits

Correct your spelling

habits

Thu Nov 21 2019

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
40Grammar mistakes
 

1 paragraphs

299 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. as many as two thirds of children are now obese. schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. to what extent do you agree with thhis statement?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

More and more business as well as individuals are choosing to communicate either professionally or socially using technology rather than being face-to-face.What is advantages and disadvantages of using technology for communication

Scientists have been warning for many years about protecting the environment, and we must limit the use of energy in our daily lives. Despite warnings, many people do not do this. What are the reasons for that, and how many people can be encouraged to take on invest in protecting the environment?

Nowadays both men and women spend a lot of money on beauty care. This was not so in the past. What may be the root cause of this behaviour? Discuss the reasons and possible results.

Some people think that they can be fit by going to gym, while other think there are other better way to remain fit, Discuss both view with your opinion.