IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Name: Dildar Singh Program: MENG (Industrial Engineering) Statement of Purpose I’m DILDAR SINGH, presenting myself as an applicant for a student visa to pursue the ‘Masters in Industrial engineering ' at the
University
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 of Windsor, Ontario, Canada. In today’s
world
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, there are so many disciplines to choose from for everyone that lets students like me to choose the study of their choice depending on the passion that they have for the area they are interested in. I would like to take
this
Linking Words

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opportunity
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 to thank the “
University
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 of Windsor” for giving me
this
Linking Words

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opportunity
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 to showcase myself. Educational background: As a child, I was always intrigued by the working of complex mechanisms and equipment. I used to spend a lot of
time
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 trying to explore and figure out their principle. In school, I found myself drawn towards subjects that required in-depth analysis and logical thinking. I was awed by their simple fundamentals which form the governing basis for a lot of machinery. To understand these concepts, I took part in fairs and practical workshops.
This
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 exposure taught me the importance of simple and practical
design
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. To understand the principle and practical aspects of designing and manufacturing, I decided to study Mechanical engineering in college, which deals with machine
design
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, manufacturing, and production. I did my schooling from M.D. Bhatt. Memorial Senior Secondary School, Ludhiana where I completed my 10th
with
Suggestion
in
 86.1% in 2010 and 12th from B.C.M. Senior Secondary School
with
Suggestion
in
 87.2% in Science (Non-medical) in 2012. I was the head boy of my school in both the secondary and senior secondary classes. After securing top marks in my school, I did my Under
graduation
Suggestion
graduated
 in Bachelor of Engineering - Mechanical engineering at Guru Nanak Dev Engineering College
(
Accept space
(
An Autonomous college, NBA accredited under Tier-1
(
Accept space
(
Washington Accord), Accredited by NAAC
(
Accept space
(
A-Grade) &TCS), which rank among the premier engineering colleges in India and graduated in June 2016 with an overall of 83.5%. I scored 5th Position in my whole batch (2012-2016). During my under graduation, I gained my initial formal exposure to Mechanical
Management
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 through courses like “Engineering Material”, “
Design
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 of Machines”, ” Product
Design
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 and
Development
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” and which opened my eyes to the latest materials and
design
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 methods. The course in “Static and Numerical Method”, “Industrial Automation” and “Industrial Engineering and
Management
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” highlighted the importance of effective team coordination for project execution in quality construction practice and exposed me to a plethora of applications of Industrial
Relationship
Suggestion
Relations
 in Project
Management
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. After my fourth semester, I did my six
weeks
Suggestion
week
 summer internship at AARTI STEEL LTD. My internship was on a
research
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work
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 of Industrial
Management
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 - "How to reduce the machining
time
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 of Guide Box". Along with that, I have
also
Linking Words

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 done my online six
weeks
Suggestion
week
 internship in AutoCAD and SOLIDWORKS at RICCS Institute Ludhiana. In my minor project, I made
Fire fighting Robot
Suggestion
the Firefighting Robot Design
Firefighting Robot Design
Design
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 with the help of SOLIDWORKS and ANSYS. My major project was on the “
Design
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 and analysis of Material Handling System”. The main purpose of using a material handling system was to reduce the manufacturing lead
time
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 and Reduce product
development
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 cost. These projects have made me run over new fascinating points, which helped me to learn and understand more about the subjects. These courses and projects have not only given me more knowledge of various aspects of engineering, but
also
Linking Words

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 a defined path to turn my childhood interest into a lifelong passion. Apart from academic
work
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 and projects, I am quite active in extra-curricular activities. I was the Head of Society of Mechanical Engineers at Guru Nanak Dev Engineering College Ludhiana. Here, I organized various industrial visits, workshops, exhibitions and technical events for students throughout the year
WORK
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EXPERIENCE
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 After my graduation, I joined TATA Consultancy Services and I consider my
work
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experience
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 at TCS – a well-known international company - as an asset for myself. I have been working in the Automotive vertical which comes under
EIS
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 (Engineering and Industrial Services) since September 2016. For the people who are interested in the functional and mechanical understanding of
manufacturing industry
Suggestion
the manufacturing industry
, it's a great place to be.
EIS
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 is probably the most preferred stream by associates who have their academic background in core areas
such
Linking Words

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 as Electrical, Mechanical etc., to
work
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in
Suggestion
with
.
EIS
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 offers
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work environment
Suggestion
a work environment
 wherein you get a chance to learn about
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Use synonyms

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development
Suggestion
the development
, use and implications of software in the core industries. Projects in
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EIS
Suggestion
the EIS
 are predominantly focused on
Research
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 and
Development
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 (R&D), product
development
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 and realization of new products in manufacturing. I was made responsible to provide technical solution, to help coordinate and prepare designs for various industrial projects and
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 engaged in all phases of product
development
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 for tools and mechanical equipment from conceptualization and sketching through
modeling
a preliminary sculpture in wax or clay from which a finished work can be copied
modelling
,
development
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, and testing.
Besides
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, I was a key member and advisor to track every detail of the business that happen between company and client with
help
Suggestion
the help
 of
CRM tool
Suggestion
a CRM tool
. I have prepared numerous designs for
SEARS/KMART store
Suggestion
the SEARS / KMART store
 and Clearstream Bank using
CAD
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 techniques (AUTOCAD, SOLIDWORKS, UNIGRAPHICS and ANSYS). I have
also
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 done various
certification
Suggestion
certifications
 like Engineering and Industrial Services
:
Accept space
:
- PLM Strategy Consulting,
EIS
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 - Powertrain basics and Moldflow,
EIS
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-Flow Analysis. Why
University
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 of Windsor? My decision of choosing
University
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 of Windsor is not spontaneous. Only after doing thorough
research
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 and interacting with alumni over social media platforms, I have found that studying Industrial Engineering at
University
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 of Windsor would help me gain knowledge in various fields and expose me to best global standards. The program has courses which cover the core subjects in-depth
such
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 as Project
Management
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, Optimization, and Lean manufacturing and other value-adding courses like Computer-Aided
Design
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, Advanced Manufacturing.
University
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 of Windsor
also
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 provides
Co-op program
Suggestion
a Co-op program
 which gives me an
opportunity
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 to gain industrial
experience
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 while studying. The
university
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 has well-equipped labs, renowned faculty, and resources for engineers. The facilities offered by the
university
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 will help me gain
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experience be
Accept comma addition
experience, be
 it social, recreational or my personal
Development
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.
This
Linking Words

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 program brings together participants from all over the
world
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. So I would be in contact with diverse cultures and I would
also
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 develop an international network. It would be very rewarding to share and exchange thoughts and ideas with a group of people who are from different nationalities, cultural orientations and schools of thought on one platform.
This
Linking Words

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 represents the highest standard of achievement for universities in Canada and is duly affiliated and registered with most prestigious
education
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 entities in Canada. The
university
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 strives to maximize the academic success of each individual and offer
wide range
Suggestion
a wide range
 of courses.
Also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 provides
atmosphere
Suggestion
an atmosphere
 of relaxed,
friend
Suggestion
friendly
 and courteous.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.
university
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 has developed
the large
Suggestion
the largest
 number of students of the
world
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 in
education
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 point of view. Getting a Masters Degree in Mechanical Engineering (Automotive) from
University
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 of Windsor can act as a stepping stone for success for me to embark on a fulfilling career. Why Master of Engineering – (Industrial)? During
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 period, I had the
opportunity
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 to interact with top industry professionals and got to know about the importance of optimization and
management
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 in business.
Further
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the problems we faced during manufacturing and interaction with professionals made me realize that
management
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and engineering are two integral
part
Suggestion
parts
 of any industry.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 incident has motivated me to do a Masters in Industrial Engineering. Industrial engineering is all about preventing problems before they arise, and to make things
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 effectively and efficiently using various methods
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as lean manufacturing, supply chain
management
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, and operation
research
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. As an industrial engineer, I would be able to solve problems using
management
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 techniques along with analytical concepts. I have understood that
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 field is
continuously
seemingly without interruption
continually
 evolving and requires professionals to be dynamic and adaptable. I believe
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 field will make me improve myself and bring out the maximum potential in me.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I would like to pursue my masters in Industrial Engineering at the
University
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 of Windsor. Why Canada? Choosing a
country
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 for studies for an International student is a very important task, on par with choosing the right
university
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. A lot of
research
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 is necessary to choose the right
country
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and for various reasons that I am going to mention made me choose Canada over the others. Canada was the
first
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 and final choice for me when I was in a phase to choose a
country
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 for my Masters course due to some
straight forward
free from ambiguity
straightforward
 reasons. The
education
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 system in Canada is top notch in all sorts of ways and ranked as the best
country
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 in terms of
education
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 in the
world
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 to that Canada is safe for international students and
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 a peaceful nation with best health care facilities. Every institution in Canada stands among the top in their own specialized fields. Every college/
university
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 provides a dynamic, innovative and challenging environment in which one can create and nurture their true potential. The on point
design
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, shape and precise architecture is only possible with cutting edge technology which is available in all the universities in Canada. Language Abilities
:-
Accept space
:-
 As of my English Proficiency, I have taken
IELTS test and score
Suggestion
the IELTS test and score
IELTS test and scores
 overall 7.0 bands on the scale of 9 with each module score, Listening: 8.5, Reading: 6.5, Writing: 6.0 and Speaking: 7. I have
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 attached the required documents for your reference. Financial Abilities:- I would
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 like to highlight that we are financially well established in the
country
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. I have paid my One year tuition fees
CAD
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 $17,000 to
University
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 of Windsor and I have opened
student GIC account
Suggestion
a student GIC account
the student GIC account
student GIC accounts
 in Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce (CIBC), Canada by depositing
CAD
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 $10,000 towards my living expenses. Apart from that, my parents and brother have liquid funds (
CAD
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 $50,000) in
bank account
Suggestion
the bank account
a bank account
. Future Prospects and Plans:- After completion of my Master degree in Industrial Engineering from
University
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 of Windsor, I would like to use my knowledge and
experience
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 gathered for the betterment of my
country
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. The demand for professionals in Industrial Engineering is vast in India since it has plenty of manufacturers
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as Maruti Suzuki, TVS, Bajaj India, Ashok Leyland, and Mahindra. The investment in Industrial and Manufacturing productions is
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 increasing
as a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 of "MAKE IN INDIA" initiative by the Government of India. In India, there is a very great
opportunity
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 for Internationally qualified Industrial Engineers as Indian manufacturing Industry is a 4th largest in the
world
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 India is a prominent auto exporter and has strong export growth for the near future.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I foresee a bright future with having infinite job opportunities open in
manufacturing sector
Suggestion
the manufacturing sector
, So
Master degree
Suggestion
a Master degree
 in Industrial Engineering from
University
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 of Windsor will help me to get into my dream job, as a Technical Specialist in any one of the above-mentioned Automobile manufactures. I am
honored
having an illustrious reputation; respected
honoured
 to say that I will be part of a field which can be the future of the Indian manufacturing market. Thank you for your
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and consideration. With Regards Dildar Singh

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • higher education
  • employability
  • specialized knowledge
  • lifetime earnings
  • intellectual curiosity
  • personal growth
  • transferable skills
  • social mobility
  • cultural understanding
  • societal advancement
  • global challenges
  • diverse perspectives
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