IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should make efforts in reducing environmental pollution and housing problems To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statements?

#people #illness #disease #governments #efforts #pollution #statements
It is argued that the public administration should invest in promoting solutions to residential and ecological issues as a preventive strategy
to
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for
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 some illnesses. I completely agree with
this
 notion
due to
 the following reasons. Improving the quality of housing avoids
the
Correct article usage
apply
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direct contact with many bacteria and
virus
Fix the agreement mistake
viruses
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 since private spaces create a barrier to contaminated air, which minimizes the risks of being contaminated
as a consequence
.
For instance
, studies have shown that the flu is more easily spread out among cohabiting communities than among
single house
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single-house
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 neighbourhoods, where habitants have
restrict
Wrong verb form
restricted
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 physical contact with others.
Additionally
, a house offers
a
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apply
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better protection
to
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against
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 illnesses that are related to temperature variations
due to
 warming and cooler systems,
consequently
, the time of exposition to
extreme
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extremely
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 warm and cold weather is drastically reduced.
Furthermore
,
environmentally-friendly
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environmentally friendly
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 measures contribute to
improve
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improving
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the
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apply
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general health because
it
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they
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improves
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improve
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 the quality of air and water consumed by citizens;
consequently
, the statistics of lug sicknesses
as well as
 diarrhoea are minimized.
For example
,
while
 in the most polluted Brazilian city, São Paulo, thirty
percent
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per cent
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 of diarrhoea and asthma issues have as the principal cause the pollution, in the
countryside
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countryside,
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 the number is reduced by twenty-five
percent
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per cent
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.
Moreover
, recycling waste can lead to a reduction in the population of rats and cockroaches that are carriers of countless illnesses, creating more sanitary and clean areas.
To conclude
, from my perspective, investing in
fair houses
Correct your spelling
fairhouses
 and the environment is an effective form to prevent diseases.
That is
 because
besides
 creating
a
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apply
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better protection
to
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for
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 individuals, these investments would
also
 improve the
quantity
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number
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 of diseases in the environment.
Submitted by bele_sales on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Work on improving the organization of your ideas.
task response
Make sure to fully address all parts of the question, present a clear position, and provide sufficient support for your ideas. Additionally, use specific examples to illustrate your points.
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