Some people think that in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should make efforts in reducing environmental pollution and housing problems To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statements?

#people #illness #disease #governments #efforts #pollution #statements

It is argued that the public administration should invest in promoting solutions to residential and ecological issues as a preventive strategy

Change preposition

for

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some illnesses. I completely agree with

this

notion

due to

the following reasons. Improving the quality of housing avoids

the

Correct article usage

apply

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direct contact with many bacteria and

virus

Fix the agreement mistake

viruses

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since private spaces create a barrier to contaminated air, which minimizes the risks of being contaminated

as a consequence

For instance

, studies have shown that the flu is more easily spread out among cohabiting communities than among

single house

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single-house

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neighbourhoods, where habitants have

restrict

Wrong verb form

restricted

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physical contact with others.

Additionally

, a house offers

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apply

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better protection

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against

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illnesses that are related to temperature variations

due to

warming and cooler systems,

consequently

, the time of exposition to

extreme

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extremely

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warm and cold weather is drastically reduced.

Furthermore

environmentally-friendly

Correct your spelling

environmentally friendly

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measures contribute to

improve

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improving

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the

Correct article usage

apply

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general health because

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they

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improves

Correct subject-verb agreement

improve

show examples

the quality of air and water consumed by citizens;

consequently

, the statistics of lug sicknesses

as well as

diarrhoea are minimized.

For example

while

in the most polluted Brazilian city, São Paulo, thirty

percent

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per cent

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of diarrhoea and asthma issues have as the principal cause the pollution, in the

countryside

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countryside,

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the number is reduced by twenty-five

percent

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per cent

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Moreover

, recycling waste can lead to a reduction in the population of rats and cockroaches that are carriers of countless illnesses, creating more sanitary and clean areas.

To conclude

, from my perspective, investing in

fair houses

Correct your spelling

fairhouses

and the environment is an effective form to prevent diseases.

That is

because

besides

creating

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apply

show examples

better protection

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for

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individuals, these investments would

also

improve the

quantity

Change the quantifier

number

show examples

of diseases in the environment.

Submitted by bele_sales on Tue Nov 26 2019

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Work on improving the organization of your ideas.

task response

Make sure to fully address all parts of the question, present a clear position, and provide sufficient support for your ideas. Additionally, use specific examples to illustrate your points.

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15Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

268 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

4.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

4.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

4.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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