IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Very few school children learn about the value of money and how to look after it, yet this is a critical life skill that should be taught as part of the school curriculum. Do you agree or disagree?

#school #children #value #money #life #skill #part #curriculum
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Although
 a minor amount of the school going pupils understands cash management skills, it is an essential quality that ought to be included in the primary educational syllabus. In my opinion, I do not agree with
this
 view
beacuse
for the reason that; on account of
because
 it might cause children being
over burden
burden with too much work or responsibility
overburden
. One of the main reasons for not including
such
 sort of subject is to
aviod
stay clear from; keep away from; keep out of the way of someone or something
avoid
 extra load
in
Suggestion
on
 the education system. As a matter of fact, adolescents are already studying a huge number of subjects that it is nearly impossible for them to cover all these disciplines.
For example
, a survey conducted by the Oxford university stated that in the London, over quarter
third
 of primary students are not satisfied with
current quantity
Suggestion
the current quantity
 of subjects.
This
 is the main reason for
thier
of them or themselves
their
 academic
underperformance
. Another compelling reason to oppose the inclusion of the money management in
curriculum
Suggestion
the curriculum
 of an institute is that focus
of
Suggestion
on
 students will be disturbed, indeed.
In other words
, it they start collecting and saving money,
this
 will definitely
effect
have an effect upon
affect
thier
of them or themselves
their
there
 focus on studies. They should only think about their academic grades and extra curricular activities which is more beneficial for their age.
Moreover
, the schools require to hire the professional teachers to educate individuals about
this
 particular field,
this
 will increase their financial cost. In conclusion, while it is helpful to have the proper knowledge of keeping and spending finance in the childhood, I believe that parents should play their role to update their offsprings about
this
 specific skill in order to avoid heavy burden from the academia.
Submitted by farrukh.maqsood on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: