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Band 4.5

Doctor, nurses and teacher make a great contribution to society and should be played more than entertainment and sport celebrity. Do you agree or disagree

#doctor #nurses #teacher #contribution #society #entertainment #sport #celebrity
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Nowadays the most controversial topic is professionals
such
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 as
doctors nurses
Accept comma addition
doctors, nurses
, engineers and teachers should be paid more than the sportsman and
entertainment
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 characters. In world doctors and nurses treated as gods because they are the people who give another life to a patient.
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Furthermore
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Furthermore, entertainment
entertainment
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 personalities
also
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 act a great role for the
society
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.
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However in
Suggestion
However, in
However on
However on on
However after
further
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 I will discuss both views before making a conclusion.
Firstly
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, in any emergency doctor and nurses are ready to serve their
patient
Suggestion
patients
 even in
mid night
12 o'clock at night; the middle of the night
midnight
 nights
also
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, they do not work in a fixed time frame.
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Furthermore their
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Furthermore, their
 job is so risky than the other occupations because they are the people who directly dealing with the human life. If there is serious surgery, doctors and nurses should pay more attention towards the patient.
Hence
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 doctors and nurses should pay more salary because of their higher
contribution
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 to
society
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.
In addition
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 to that engineers, teachers
also
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do
engage in
make
 greater
contribution
Use synonyms
 to
society
Use synonyms
 for
a
Suggestion
an
example teachers
Suggestion
example, teachers
example teacher
example teacher teacher
 need to do lots of struggle to teach languages, disciplines and social
behaviors
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviours
 to nursery student, because she or he still new to learn those things.
Furthermore
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 the engineers
also
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do
engage in
make
 greater effort to make
better
Suggestion
a better society
society
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. For an
example a civil
Suggestion
example, a civil
 engineer who currently works
in
Suggestion
on
 a delayed construction project need to do more
nightshifts
Suggestion
night shifts
 in order to complete
project
Suggestion
projects
. By considering all above factors professional workers should be paid more.
On the other hand
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 sports and
entertainment
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 personalities like musicians
also
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do
engage in
make
 a
contribution
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 to
society
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. They are the people who support to reduce the stress of a busy
people
Suggestion
person
.
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Further more in
Accept comma addition
Furthermore, in
Furthermore in
 some cases they brought great glory to their home country for
a
Suggestion
an
 example Susanthika Jayasooriya who won the medals in Olympic should be paid more.
For
Suggestion
In
 those
cases government
Accept comma addition
cases, government
need
Suggestion
needs
 to provide more funds to motivate them
also
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 they need to give a value to her effort to get the medal.
Finally
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,
after considering the all
Suggestion
after considering all the
 above mentioned points my point of view is the professionals who do more risky jobs should be paid more than the
entertainment
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 personalities.
In addition
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 to
that we
Accept comma addition
that, we
 can`t forget the people who do
entertainment
Use synonyms
 programs. For those people all should pay money after considering their
contribution
Use synonyms
 to the
society
Use synonyms
Submitted by ramanjattjaat on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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