IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The column chart shows the percentage of male and female in various age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The column chart shows the percentage of male and female in various age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
The column chart illustrates the proportion of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in various age
groups
Use synonyms
 who did
regular
Add an article
a regular
the regular
show examples
 physical activity in 2010. As can be seen,
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 period from 25 to over,
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 always registered percentages higher than male
According to
Linking Words
 the given chart, the female’ age
groups
Use synonyms
 from 15
years
Use synonyms
 old to 54
years
Use synonyms
 old,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
increase from 47.7 to 53.3
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 before going down to 47.1
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in the 65
years
Use synonyms
 and over
group
Add an article
the group
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 the male age
groups
Use synonyms
 declined significantly from 52.8
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, 42.2percent, 39.5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 respectively in 3
groups
Use synonyms
, which are 15
years
Use synonyms
 old to 24
years
Use synonyms
 old , 25
years
Use synonyms
 old to 34 , and 35
years
Use synonyms
 old
44
Change preposition
to 44
show examples
years
Use synonyms
 old, after that ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
percentage in 3
groups
Use synonyms
 from 45 to over , which was upbeat from 43.1
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 45 to 54
years
Use synonyms
 old and reached 46.7
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in the very
last
Linking Words
 group. To summarize, men did regular activity physical more often than women during their
teenager
Replace the word
teenage
show examples
 and
Add a hyphen
mid-twenties
show examples
mid -twenties
Correct your spelling
mid-twenties
show examples
 After
mid-twenties
Correct article usage
the mid-twenties
show examples
,
however
Linking Words
, men’s percentage
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased and women’s percentage was
Add an article
an increase
the increase
show examples
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 82%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words groups, years, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: