IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both view and give your own opinion

#people #parents #children #part #group #activities #time
Today’ children are tomorrow’s future. So, Certain people argue that we need to guide our offsprings how to use the quality
time
 in an advantageous manner. On the opposite
side
, some folks think that juvenile them self needs to learn how to make them self busy.
Firstly
,
this
 essay will discuss why it is important to guide the children rather than learn their own and
secondly
, how learning by own make them strong and mature person. On the one
side
, guidance through parents or teachers make children a perfect member of the society who can follow the instruction without any doubt. Because parents guide them based on their experience.
Moreover
, parent or teacher knows how their student or juvenile understands clearly.
For example
, the child department of the India revealed that 70% of children learn quickly if they taught by their closed people.
That is
 why maybe some think so. On the other
side
, to be mature enough, it is better if the child learns them self due to their own experience and mistake.
This
 will increase their spirit and knowledge of the life which is must for standout in the today’s world.
For instance
, the youngest intelligence survey from the India depicted that 50% of youth is successful due to their own learning methods.
However
, some offsprings may face some health issues like depression. From my point of view, I believe that we should teach them for a certain
time
 period after that leave them alone to obtain some knowledge. Because every
time
 available for them makes them dependable person. In conclusion, juvenile indeed have an opportunity to learn from both the
side
, but the
time
 and effort is precious. If they guided at the right
time
 and at perfect age them
this
 lead to benefit for them.
Submitted by drsefalipatel on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • occupied
  • organized
  • group activities
  • benefits
  • social
  • teamwork skills
  • interpersonal skills
  • friendship
  • discipline
  • time management
  • interests
  • hobbies
  • independent play
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • self-reliance
  • explore
  • discover
What to do next:
Look at other essays: