The time people devote in job leaves very little time for personal life. How widespread is the problem. What problem will this shortage of time causes.

world

Suggestion

the world

is passing through the 21th century, all the nations are developing in

this

era. It is the global issue these days that the employees who devote their unique time to any organization or industry those have very less time for their personal

life

and

this

problem has become widespread. I strongly accord to

this

statement and I will provide strong view points in the forthcoming verses before reaching to plausible conclusion.

undeniably

Suggestion

Undeniably

, escalation of unemployment rate among the youngsters as well as market products is increasing at high rates. Every individual is

into

Suggestion

rat race

Suggestion

a rat race

the rat race

to earn more and more money so anonymously people have become

workaholic

Suggestion

workaholics

a workaholic

and money minded.

Furthermore

, all the companies

does only think

Suggestion

are only thinking

about their benefits they give overtime working hours to employees so workers kills each other to high earning.

conspicuously

Suggestion

Conspicuously

, if a person, spend his most of precious time out of the

home

Accept comma addition

home, then

then

unquestionably his family relations will be weaker and it leads to

myriads

Suggestion

the myriads

of problems which have their hazardous effects on one’s

life

Firstly

person

Suggestion

a person

the person

can lose his partner.

Moreover

divorce rate

Suggestion

the divorce rate

will be increased if

this

sort of tendency spontaneously goes on

Accept space

also individual

Accept comma addition

Also, individual

Also individual

can attain

sedentary

Suggestion

the sedentary lifestyle

sedentary lifestyle

a sedentary lifestyle

life

style which leads to dangerous ailments

such

as obesity, stress and depression

etcetera and

Accept comma addition

etcetera, and

it is

also

claimed by Apollo hospital’s research on software employees. To conclude, it can be said that undeniably bucks are main need of today’s materialistic world but personal

life

should never be ignored. Governments

also

must implement some rules about duties.

Submitted by fgf583770 on Thu Nov 28 2019

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

257 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The time people devote in job leaves very little time for personal life. How widespread is the problem. What problem will this shortage of time causes.

Fully explain your ideas

You should spend about 40 mins. Write about the following topic: Many people think that mobile phones should be banned in public places such as libraries, shops and public transport. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays many young people deliberately damage public places. What are the causes and solutions

More and more adults are playing computer games. Why is this happening? Is it a positive or negative trend?

Although more and more people get the news on social media, newspapers will remain the most important source of news for the majority of people. Do you agree or disagree?