IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
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Nowadays a number of people
work
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 long hours and
thus
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 barely have
time
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 for leisure activities. In my opinion, being in
this
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 situation has more disadvantages than advantages for both the individual as well as
society
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.
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Firstly people
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Firstly, people
 who
work
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 for extended hours do not have
time
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 for physical activities or hobbies, which can lead them to become victims of several lifestyle health issues. It is no doubt that people who pursue career goals and progression spend more
time
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 at
work
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,
thus
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 neglecting
one
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's health as well as family.
For example
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, those who have computer based jobs may become obese in the long run.
In addition
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 to that, those who spend hours glued to the computer screen without batting an eyelid definitely fall prey to different type of eye diseases like eye strain or blurry vision.
Moreover
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, it is an undeniable
fact
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fact, one
one
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 will most probably suffer from mental illnesses like stress and depression if
one
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 does not involve oneself in practicing leisure activities, be it indoors and outdoors. Working overtime has a negative impact on
family
Suggestion
the family
families
 as well as
society
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. Being highly involved in
work
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, the individual spends less
time
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 with his family, due to which the family feels ignored and left out, which may lead to deteriorating family ties.
Nevertheless
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, if people living in the same area engage themselves in a common activity during their free
time
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, it enables them to hone their skills, socialize and befriend new people,
thus
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 improving their social status.
However
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, having little
time
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 for
one
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's hobbies and interests can jeopardize
one
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's relationship with the
society
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 and
thus
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 hinder the all-round development of the individual.
Thus
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, I believe that people must strike a balance between professional and personal lives to avoid being victims to various health and social issues,
thus
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 creating better lives for themselves and contribute their proficiency to the advancement of the
society
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.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
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