IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. Write at least 250 words.

Teenage is the most vulnerable
age
 for both positive and negative thoughts to incur. Recent criminal records from different countries show
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 rise in the
crime
 rate among
teenagers
.
Teenagers
 with less guidance are easily dragged into these crimes. One of the reasons for the increase in the
crime
 rate among
teenagers
 is less interaction with their
parents
. Mostly, in a nuclear family, where both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents
 are working, children hardly get time to discuss their problems with them.
This
 results in an increase in boredom and taking advice from
such
 people who are already indulged in criminal
activities
. Another reason could be excessive exposure to social media and getting attracted to the T.V. program showing vicious criminal
activities
.
Now a days
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
,
teenagers
 are picking negative characters shown in movies as their role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
. They try to copy their role models and eventually get trapped
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 one of
such
 crimes.
Society
 and friends are equally responsible for a drastic increase in teenage
crime
.
Teenage
Correct your spelling
Teenagers
show examples
 with a good friend circle and a better
society
 possess good social values and indulge less in criminal
activities
.
On the contrary
, a friend indulged in sin can easily drag another friend and it has been noticed in my own
society
 that
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
teenagers
 have started smoking on the terrace with two outsiders.
The
Correct article usage
Society
show examples
society
 and government bodies can work together to curb the increased
crime
rated
Change the form of the verb
rate
show examples
 among
teenagers
. People should take it as their moral responsibility to inform the concerned
parents
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if they suspect their child in some criminal
activities
. The government should take
initiative
Correct article usage
the initiative
show examples
 to create awareness among
teenagers
 about the strict law and the impact of these
activities
 on their future.
Nevertheless
,
parents
 are busy with their daily routine,
they
Correct word choice
so they
show examples
 should take some time to sit and talk to their children about their friends,
daily
Correct word choice
and daily
show examples
 routine and guide them with their experience.
Parents
 should share stories about other
teenagers
 who unknowingly indulged in some criminal
activities
 and their fate. Though, being the most vulnerable
age
, teenage is
also
 the
age
 to excel and set up the foundation for a successful and prosperous life.
Parents
 are the strong force behind any child and they can teach social values to their children at an appropriate
age
. Efforts put together by both
parents
 and the government can put control over drastically increasing teenage crimes all over the world.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bilingual
  • multilingual
  • fluency
  • communicate
  • cognitive skills
  • cultural awareness
  • opportunities
  • globalized world
  • job market
  • interact
  • linguistic abilities
  • cultural exchange
  • language proficiency
  • language barrier
  • foreign travel
  • personal growth
  • academic achievement
  • self-confidence
  • enhance
  • cross-cultural communication
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