IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Employers sometimes asking people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be irrelevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

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Employers sometimes asking people applying for jobs for personal
information
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that
this
Linking Words
information
Use synonyms
 may be irrelevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your opinion All over the world, companies are collecting the personal details of the candidates, when they are seeking opportunities. Some time,
job
Use synonyms
 seekers think that
this
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information
Use synonyms
 are requested to apply for the
job
Use synonyms
 is irrelevant
due their activities
Suggestion
due to their activities
 outside the office hours.
However
Linking Words
, some people feeling
this
Linking Words
 data may be required to motivate the employees in
workplace
Suggestion
the workplace
a workplace
. Both perspectives will be discussed in
Linking Words
next paragraphs
Suggestion
the next paragraphs
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, Employers are seeking personal interests
from
Suggestion
of
 employees to include them in welfare scheme. Human resources are requesting these candidate’s marital status to include
him
male possessive pronoun
his
/her spouse in insurance benefits.
For example
Linking Words
,
now a days
the period of time that is happening now; any continuous stretch of time including the moment of speech
nowadays
 most of the
corporates
of or belonging to a corporation
corporate
 employee family
are covered
Suggestion
is covered
 in health insurance policies. After, their free time
activities
Suggestion
activity
 details are helping them to improve the
work
Use synonyms
 environment. To illustrate, they can build indoor games to motivate during the
work
Use synonyms
 hours to feel relax. Despite of having the benefits, there are some details are not needed, which will be discussed
subsequently
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.
Secondly
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, People
are believing
Suggestion
believe
 that
data
Suggestion
the data
 provided for their
job
Use synonyms
 performance
is
Suggestion
are
 more than sufficient. To analyse the performance, their skill set to be evaluated for their roles and responsibilities
for
Suggestion
in
 the particular area of an
expertise
Suggestion
expert
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they have to check their health condition to do the
job
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, Employers are asking about personal hobbies,
week end
a time period usually extending from Friday night through Sunday; more loosely defined as any period of successive days including one and only one Sunday
weekend
information
Use synonyms
, complete family
information
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
information
Use synonyms
 can be abused once they joined the firm to increase their
work
Use synonyms
 pressure.
For example
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, if employee expenses completely dependent on salary, managers can ask him/her to
work
Use synonyms
 more time and put more pressure on them. To recapitulate, Companies can collect the privacy details and if only used for their
workers
Suggestion
workers'
 welfare.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, if they are asking unrelated
information
Use synonyms
 may not be required for their performance evaluation

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • job application
  • personal information
  • hobbies and interests
  • marital status
  • relevant
  • useful
  • privacy
  • assessing candidates
  • qualifications
  • experience
What to do next:
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