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Band 4

Some people think a job not only provides income but also social life.Others think it is better to develop social life with people you do not work with. Discuss both view and give your own opinion

#people #job #income #life #work
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Many people argue that entering a
job
Use synonyms
 supplies people with not only enough money for them to meet their basic needs but
also
Linking Words
 social
life
Use synonyms
. While
this
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 idea is to some degree, I
sitll
with reference to action or condition; without change, interruption, or cessation
still
 believe that
occupied individuals
Accept comma addition
occupied, individuals
 should socialize with people outside their
wok
activity directed toward making or doing something
work
 On the one hand, it is understandable why many people believe that staying in a profession can help people not only to earn sufficient money to support their lives but
also
Linking Words
 develop
social
Suggestion
a social life
life
Use synonyms
 in their workplaces.
Firstly
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, having a
job
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 enables people to have greater disposable income, helping them to pay for housing, bills, health care and education and have a reasonable quality of
life
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. As a matter of fact, a large number of young people switch jobs regularly in order to have adequate
salaries which
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salaries, which
 allow their families to enjoy a more decent standard of living.
Secondly
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, in the age of globalisation where different cultures cross, most individuals have to interact with people from other ethnic groups and different tradition.
This
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 gives people countless
opportuinities
a possibility due to a favorable combination of circumstances
opportunities
opportunity
 to develop social
life
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 with inspirational managers and enthusiastic colleagues, which gradually provides workers with a more satisfying working
life
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.
On the other hand
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, I still side with those who believe that it is better to build up social
life
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 with people they do not
work
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 with. The trend towards developing social
life
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 with colleagues may lead to a decline in the
work
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 productivity. If most
occupied individuals
Accept comma addition
occupied, individuals
 became addicted to socializing in their workplace, it would result in undesirable outcomes,
espcially
to a distinctly greater extent or degree than is common
especially
 the reduction of time for
work
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, which should be
workers’ top priority
Suggestion
a workers’ top priority
the workers’ top priority
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, people can have various chance to acquire numbers of
new valuable
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new, valuable
 experiences and skills if they socialize with people who are not their familiar colleagues.
As a result
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, those individuals can possess a golden selling point to enter the rising competitive
job
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 market, which enables them to move up the career ladder and earn a more lucrative living. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 many people think that a
job
Use synonyms
 provides people with not only income but
also
Linking Words
 social
life
Use synonyms
, I still believe that it is better to develop
social
Suggestion
a social life
life
Use synonyms
 with people outside
work
Use synonyms
Submitted by drasma24 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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