IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people argue that arts, such as paintings and music are a waste of money and the government should spend this money on other public services. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

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Some people are of the opinion that the
government
Use synonyms
 should stop funding artwork
such
Linking Words
 as painting and music as these are not a proper use of the
money
Use synonyms
, but
instead
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 they should allocate
this
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money
Use synonyms
 into other services that will benefit the people. From my point of view, I completely agree with
this
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 notion as
this
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 will discourage teenagers from dropping out of
school
Use synonyms
 and
also
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 improve the infrastructure of the communities.
To begin
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 with, there are quite a large number of musicians and artist in every community and spending more
money
Use synonyms
 in
this
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 sector will have a detrimental effect on the citizens particularly the youngsters.
In other words
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, teenagers are being drawn into the music
instead
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 of focusing on their education and
as a result
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 of
this
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 they are leaving
school
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 to become a musician. The
government
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 will be encouraging children to drop out of
school
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 if they continue to fund them.
For example
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, Norway now has the highest rate of teenage
school
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 drop out because their
government
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 issuing loans to students who wants to become and artist.
On the other hand
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, a better way to utilize
this
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money
Use synonyms
 will be to improve the infrastructure of the country.
That is
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 to say, building more roads, hospitals, companies and airports will bring more benefit than using them in the art sector.
Firstly
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,
this
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 will create a lot of jobs for people,
thus
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 reducing crime rates and unemployment.
Secondly
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, it will generate more income for the
government
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, which can be used for the development of other things in a country.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, good roads will decrease the rate of road accident, thereby increasing the life expectancy. To conclude, certain numbers of individuals feel that spending
money
Use synonyms
 into entertainments like making music and colouring drawings are not a good use of
government
Use synonyms
money
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 and
therefore
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 the
money
Use synonyms
 should go into the development of better infrastructure.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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