t is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with contribution of scientists to society.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is an undeniable fact that members of the society had contributed their quota in one way or the other to the growth of their community.
This
contribution could be the in science and research or via their art works.The value given to these services varies from one location to another. In my geographical location, I believe that artists are more appreciated than scientists.The reason for
this
trend will be outlined in the paragraphs below. It is true that scientists had worked so hard over the years to improve the quality of
life
.Their selfless effort had resulted in modern technology, provision of answers to
life
mysteries and discovery of drugs for curing various
ailment
Suggestion
ailments
.
Infact
Suggestion
In fact
,
Accept space
,
one of the greatest achievement of scientists and engineer is their invention of computer.
This
is technology, many laborious and time consuming can easily be carried out within seconds with good precision and accuracy using computers.
However
,
Accept space
,
despite the despite the numerous ways scientists had revolutionize every aspect of
life
,
Accept space
,
nowadays, there seems to be less compensation and appreciation to them.
For example
, an engineer in my country who invented a car which can be driven both on land and water
,
Accept space
,
solicited for about 10,000
dollar
Suggestion
dollars
to incorporate a jet engine into the project.
How ever despite
Accept comma addition
However, despite
However despite
his plea
,
Accept space
,
few
politician
Suggestion
politicians
gave an
hearing
the act of hearing attentively
listening
to him and
hence
he could not
fulfill
put in effect
fulfil
him
male possessive pronoun
his
ambition.
On the other
hand despite
Accept comma addition
hand, despite
the lesser contribution artists
such
musicians add to
life
,
Accept space
,
they had recently been an object of recognition and adoration by the society.
This
is due to the fact that work of arts
such
as painting, music and drama
add
Suggestion
adds
spices
Suggestion
spice
to
life
.
Life
tend
Suggestion
tends
to be boring without them.Nowadays the most lucrative businesses are in the entertainment industry.
As a result
of
this
a rational investor would definitely want to invest in
arts
Suggestion
the arts
in order to get a huge return within
short interval
Suggestion
short intervals
a short interval
.Consequent upon
this
, if appropriate policy is not made
,
Accept space
,
cogent
life
issue
such
as health could be neglected while diverting resources to
arts
Suggestion
the arts
. By and large
,
Accept space
,
it may be
concluded despite
Accept comma addition
concluded, despite
the fact that everyone in the society team up to build their community in
different capacity
Suggestion
a different capacity
different capacities
, more focus were shifted to
art works
photographs or other visual representations in a printed publication
artworks
such
as music's at the expense of scientists who toiled
of
Suggestion
for
the years to make the world a better place.
Thus there
Accept comma addition
Thus, there
should be
shift
Suggestion
shifted
in
this
paradigm and
government
Suggestion
the government
governments
should give more compensation and encouragement for new innovations and discoveries.
Submitted by safsaf-am on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: