IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

the government’s investment in arts, music and drama is a waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public health services instead. To what extend do you agree with this statement.

#government’s #investment #arts #music #drama #waste #money #government #funds #health #services
It is commonly believed that the regime should finance public services rather than investing in fields
such
 as arts, music, and plays.
Although
 I agreed that spending on
healthcare
Suggestion
health care
 is
important but
Accept comma addition
important, but
 I do not think spending on the arts is a waste of money.
To begin
 with, there are several reasons for allocating a significant amount of government budget on public services.
First
 and foremost, public services
such
 as hospitals and schools are things which determines what quality of that, most of us will have. To illustrate, if proper funds are not allocated for schools, our children may not get proper education and
similarly
 if they do not establish good
healthcare
 systems in the country, the health of society may
declines
Suggestion
decline
.
Besides
this
, poverty-stricken people will be affected severely as they cannot afford the
healthcare
Suggestion
health care
 services provided by private hospitals and institutes.
Consequently
, they are more dependent on basic services provided by the state and central government. ​In spite of
this
, arts and dramas should not be neglected at the cost of basic
healthcare
Suggestion
health care
.
Firstly
, it is really difficult for many arts
institute
Suggestion
institutes
 to generate profits to run
business
Suggestion
a business
 successfully, so without some help from the administration, many theatres and other
such
 places may have to close forever.
Furthermore
, many people get pleasure in going to see music and
theater
a building where theatrical performances or motion-picture shows can be presented
theatre
 performances to unwind their stress and work pressure, so it is really pivotal for the government to assist
such
 art
theaters
a building where theatrical performances or motion-picture shows can be presented
theatres
features
theatre
 so they can continue providing entertainment to the public. To conclude, there are clear advantages of large amount of investment goes into public services as
this
 influence the quality of life for everyone,
however
, I do not think that allocating funds to the arts is a waste of resources like
this
 to provide important benefits
such
 as entertainment.Q
Submitted by aarav_23_1981 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: