IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

the use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places and so mobile phone should also be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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in
Suggestion
In
this
Linking Words
 technological Era the usage of mobile phones in many places becomes implied is smoking. Some people believe that
cell
Use synonyms
 phones should be prohibited
at
Suggestion
in
 some places. I totally agree with
Use synonyms
cell
Suggestion
cell phone bans
the cell phone ban
phone
Use synonyms
 ban in
decided
Suggestion
deciding
 places and following essay, I will state my opinion based on facts and example.
Linking Words
to
Suggestion
To
 begin with
cell
Use synonyms
 phones keep us in touch with our loved ones, families and friends and its impact on social behaviour of people is enormous.
people
Suggestion
People
 are using their mobile phones more than ever. Mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 users spend most of their time in
socialisingwith
Suggestion
socialising with
 others on communication platform
such
Linking Words
 as WhatsApp Skype Instagram
instead
Linking Words
 of personal contact with other human beings.
This
Linking Words
 habit causes social anxiety which has been proven by many researches and likely leads to aggressive behaviour.
Linking Words
secondly
Suggestion
Secondly
, it is a true fact that smoking is injurious to health
never the less
despite anything to the contrary (usually following a concession)
nevertheless
, scientists prove global impact to all parts of
human body
Suggestion
the human body
, using mobile phones
kills
Suggestion
to kill
 people suddenly than cigarettes. Brilliant example
for
Suggestion
of
this
Linking Words
 statement is using
cell
Use synonyms
 phones during driving can cause petrol car accidents.
Also
Linking Words
, while taking selfies and photographs from high rise
building
Accept comma addition
building, then
then
Linking Words
 from
bridge
Suggestion
the bridge
.
Linking Words
however I
Accept comma addition
However, I
However I
 believe that mobile
phone
Use synonyms
have
Suggestion
has
 many advantages,
such
Linking Words
 as for contacting others through mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 are very useful in emergency situation like when people see robbery when and they can call the police immediately.
Linking Words
Also they
Accept comma addition
Also, they
 can read
newspaper
Suggestion
newspapers
a newspaper
the newspaper
 from
cell
Use synonyms
 phones and can order the mail from their phones to eat. But excessive use of mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 in many places and its negative effect neglect all these advantages of
cell
Use synonyms
 phones.
to
Suggestion
To
 sum up I strongly agree with applying
rules
Suggestion
the rules
 of mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 usage in public places because many people do not think through
it
of a thing, of it; possessive form of "it"
its
 negative effect our mental and body health.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • antisocial
  • social interactions
  • negative impacts
  • banning
  • regulated
  • completely banned
  • education
  • awareness campaigns
  • responsible
  • mobile phone use
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