IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The government has the responsibility to ensure the safety of its citizens. Therefore, some people think that the government should increase spending on defense but spend less on social benefits. To what extent do you agree?

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There is no doubt that safety is paramount to every ones health, and it is the responsibility of the
government
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 to ensure that safety precautions are followed
accordingly
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 in order to keep the citizens healthy.
However
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, many believe that the
government
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 must Chanel vast amount of money on
security
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 only. In
this
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 article,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 am going to discuss while an equal proportion of money should be channelled on both
security
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 and social
benefit
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. I believe if the
government
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 spends a larger amount of money on
security
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 and defence, it will be for the
benefit
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 of the nation,
this
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 is because currently, the crime rate is increasing globally, and more people are becoming a victim of
this
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 wicked act. For examples, in some countries, more than 40% of deaths each year is
as a result
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 of a crime and without proper
security
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 and equipment to enable the defence department to know who is carrying out
this
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 evil act. But if the
government
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 should provide enough equipment for
security
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, the death rates will be reduced, and judgement can be brought to those involving in
this
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 act.
Nevertheless
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, social
benefit
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 should not be considered less important, because people use
this
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 means as relaxation, just as it's often said that all works and no play, makes jack a dull boy. The majority finds pleasure in social activities,
therefore
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 it is mandatory that the
government
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 should consider spending on
this
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 aspect.
Also
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, it will increase the development of children in the society In conclusion, both the defence and social
benefit
Use synonyms
 should be considered equally, because the nation will not be able to survive without
this
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 two aspect.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • national security
  • deterrence
  • military technology
  • welfare programs
  • balanced approach
  • citizen welfare
  • adversaries
  • internal social issues
  • quality of life
  • redirected funding
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