IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries

The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries
#information #water #consumption #two #countries
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The line graph
illustrate
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illustrates
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 the
amount
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 of
water
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 used globally from 1900 to 2000,
by
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in
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 three categories,
while
Linking Words
 the table shows the
water
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 consumption rate between
Brazil
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 and Congo in 2000 and it includes, the number of people and space occupied by these people in square
km
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, there was a general
increase
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 in
water
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 usage for agriculture, industry and domestics.
However
Linking Words
, agriculture used plenty of
water
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 above
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 2 categories.
Brazil
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 had a bigger population which occupied vast
space
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spaces
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 of land and consumed
large
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a large
show examples
Use synonyms
amount
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amounts
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 of
water
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 compared to Congo. There was
Correct article usage
the
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highest
increase
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usage
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in usage
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 of
water
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 by agriculture from 1900 to 2000, which saw an
increase
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 from approximately
500cubic
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500 cubic
km
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 in 1900 to about 3000 cubic
km
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 in 2000. Industrial and domestic services used an equal
amount
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 of
water
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 from 1900 to 1920, at an estimated 0.1 cubic
km
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. From 1920, domestics remained constant in average
water
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 usage, until 1950, when it rose steadily to about 300 cubic
km
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 in 2000,
while
Linking Words
 industries had a gradual
increase
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 from 1920 to 1950
,
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apply
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 when it fluctuated dramatically to approximately 1000 cubic
km
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 in 2000.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Brazil
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 had a large population of 176 million which occupied 26.500km and consumed
large
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a large
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amount
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 of
water
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, at 359 cubic metres. DRC had the least number of people compared to
Brazil
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, living in a small piece of land of 100 square
km
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 and
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
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 rate was 8 cubic metres per person for the whole year.
Submitted by more.muku91 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, water, brazil, km, increase with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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