IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries

The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries
#information #water #consumption #two #countries
The line graph
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the
amount
 of
water
 used globally from 1900 to 2000,
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 three categories,
while
 the table shows the
water
 consumption rate between
Brazil
 and Congo in 2000 and it includes, the number of people and space occupied by these people in square
km
.
Overall
, there was a general
increase
 in
water
 usage for agriculture, industry and domestics.
However
, agriculture used plenty of
water
 above
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 2 categories.
Brazil
 had a bigger population which occupied vast
space
Fix the agreement mistake
spaces
show examples
 of land and consumed
large
Change the article
a large
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
water
 compared to Congo. There was
Correct article usage
the
show examples
highest
increase
usage
Change preposition
in usage
show examples
 of
water
 by agriculture from 1900 to 2000, which saw an
increase
 from approximately
500cubic
Correct your spelling
500 cubic
km
 in 1900 to about 3000 cubic
km
 in 2000. Industrial and domestic services used an equal
amount
 of
water
 from 1900 to 1920, at an estimated 0.1 cubic
km
. From 1920, domestics remained constant in average
water
 usage, until 1950, when it rose steadily to about 300 cubic
km
 in 2000,
while
 industries had a gradual
increase
 from 1920 to 1950
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when it fluctuated dramatically to approximately 1000 cubic
km
 in 2000.
Furthermore
,
Brazil
 had a large population of 176 million which occupied 26.500km and consumed
large
Change the article
a large
show examples
amount
 of
water
, at 359 cubic metres. DRC had the least number of people compared to
Brazil
, living in a small piece of land of 100 square
km
 and
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 rate was 8 cubic metres per person for the whole year.
Submitted by more.muku91 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, water, brazil, km, increase with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: