Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #entertainers #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money #job

It is widely believed that actors, pop singers, and sports personalities are often paid large amount of

money

. I strongly agree as these famous persons often receive huge

money

for their stardom and limelight. I believe that

profession

Suggestion

profession, such

professions such

professions professions such

such

as teacher should receive more

money

. The main reason for the

film

star or even singers and sport stars receive big

paycheck

is because they are idolised by the people. Many people are crazy about their lifestyle, look's, fitness and are

also

interested in personal life especially teenagers. Due to

this

stardom

Accept comma addition

stardom, film

film

stars receive

money

whenever

they sign of any

Suggestion

they sign any

film

For instance

, Salman Khan has basic

paycheck

of 1 million of every

film

does

engage in

makes

even his movies go hit or not.

However

, not every actor

receive

Suggestion

receives

huge amount

Suggestion

a huge amount

of salary during their struggling

years but

Accept comma addition

years, but

once they are famous they fill in every

losses

Suggestion

loss

Furthermore

, as these stars

are always in limelight many companies hire

Suggestion

are always in limelight many companies hiring

are always in limelight many companies hire

them to endorse their product to the public. People will tend to buy the products which are marketed by a renowned personality. If

companies promoters

Accept comma addition

companies, promoters

their product by a local public will not have that impact as a

film

star or

sport star

Suggestion

a sport star

will give. Recently, Volini a pharma company declared that their sales of pain relief cream were

increase

Suggestion

increased

when famous cricketer Virat Kholi endorsed it. In conclusion, It is true that

film

stars, musicians, sport players are paid huge amount of

money

due to the lifestyle in which they live in gives them the required stardom and limelight. In my opinion, if a person

deserve

Suggestion

deserves

, he should be paid more

money

like teacher as they are valuable person's they shape our future generation and

engage in

make

a great contribution to the society.

Submitted by nandkishorjagtap58 on Wed Dec 11 2019

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

290 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that instead of preventing climate change, we need to find a way to live with it. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

More and more students become unemployed after graduating from university. What are the reasons and solutions for this problem?

The bar chart details average daily sales (by total number of servings) at a restaurant according to season

Band-9 Samples: In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Some people think advertisements control what we purchase, while others think they are useful sources of information on products. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.