IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the government should lower the bughet on the arts in order to allocate more money to education. To extend do you agree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is certainly true that the main responsibility of every
government
Use synonyms
 is providing the essential needs
to
Suggestion
of
 a society and developing a
nation
Use synonyms
. There is an issue that the
government
Use synonyms
 should not spend money on the artwork which is less important than other areas.
However
Linking Words
, some people think that
education
Use synonyms
 is a very important for the future of a
nation
Use synonyms
 and the
government
Use synonyms
 should pay attention on
education
Use synonyms
 rather than
art
Use synonyms
, while others disagree with these and think that
art
Use synonyms
 areas still need to be supported by the
government
Use synonyms
. Both sides are very interesting that need to be discussed carefully. On the one hand, there are many reasons to support the idea that
art
Use synonyms
 play an important part
to
Suggestion
of
in
 a society.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost,
art
Use synonyms
 is related to the identity and unity of people in a country. No one can argue that
art
Use synonyms
 reflects the creativity of people in a certain time and place. Traditional artwork can present national customs and peoples’ lifestyle in the past which
can emphasis people to realize
Suggestion
can emphasis people realize
can emphasis people to realize
 the value of their culture and so pound with their tradition.
Moreover
Linking Words
, subsidizing on
art
Use synonyms
 works not only help to increase
harmony
Suggestion
the harmony
 of people in a country but
also
Linking Words
 boost tourism of a
nation
Use synonyms
. If the
government
Use synonyms
 beautifies a city by
decorating
Accept comma addition
decorating, art
art
Use synonyms
 works, it can attract the number of foreign tourists and
also
Linking Words
 can boost
economy
Suggestion
the economy
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are multifarious reasons to support the latter idea. It is defiantly true that subsidizing on
education
Use synonyms
 by the
government
Use synonyms
 is more important than paying attention
on
Suggestion
to
art
Use synonyms
. Developing
education
Use synonyms
 can produce better quality citizens and advanced skill employees to the work market.
As a result
Linking Words
, the high quality employees can help to develop and improve a
nation
Use synonyms
 eventually. Without sufficient support from the
government
Use synonyms
 in
education
Use synonyms
, it can lead to lack professional workers or other quality workers to maintain services and develop a
nation
Use synonyms
. To sum up, in my opinion, even though national
art
Use synonyms
 work has sentimental value to a
nation
Use synonyms
 and citizens, it is still not necessary over than
education
Use synonyms
. I think the
government
Use synonyms
 should pay attention to improving
education
Use synonyms
 rather than subsidizing
art
Use synonyms
 work.
This
Linking Words
 is because improving
education
Use synonyms
 can lead to the improvement of a
nation
Use synonyms
 in the future.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: