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Band 4.5

TOPIC 2: Because of religious beliefs, some people reject to serving people, while the others believe that no one has rights to reject serving someone. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#topic #beliefs #people #rights #someone
Some religious extremists deny serving the philosophy-opposed people, whereas the radical people believe everyone should receive treatment equally.
Although
 people have the liberty of religious expression, the others
also
 have rights to receive the identical services. Neither of someone’s rights are superior than the others. The religious liberty which is one of the basic rights of each human should be expressed freely. Everyone owns rights to choose the philosophy to believe equally without any intervention and judgements.
Therefore
, people are manifestly accepted to behave based on their religious principles as long as these
behaviors
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviours
 do
not violate to the
Suggestion
not violate the
 law. Ultimately, if someone tries to prevent people from pursuing their justifiably religious desire, it will violate the personal freedom and the human rights.
In contrast
, the others
also
 own the rights to receive the appropriate treatment as equal as the religious-freed
people and
Accept comma addition
people, and
 these rights may generate a better scenario for the whole economy. As any rights, the rights to be served equally on everyone is reasonable.
Additionally
, the discrimination among customer segments may make the people or firms face to public protests so that these entities afterward will be isolated out of society gradually.
Consequently
, profit of these companies which is essential for surviving will end up with the catastrophic sliding. More companies are turned on by its customers, more detrimental
effects
Suggestion
effect
 economy will suffer. Generally, the religious liberty and the equal-served rights have to be treated respectfully and identically. People will be selfish, if they
too concentrate
Suggestion
concentrate
to concentrate
 on their religious freedom to ignore the interest of the others.
Moreover
, the religious extremists should
also
 contemplate the costs that they may receive between discrimination and equality in the treatment towards the others.
Submitted by phamledoanthuy on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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