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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones nowadays has unwanted effects on young people’s reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The rapid development of technology has offered
people
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 innovative
devices
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such
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 as Smartphones and Laptop
computers
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, which made the lives of
people
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 easier.
However
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, some claim that these advancements have negatively affected the literacy level of the young generation. I strongly agree with
this
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 argument.
To begin
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 with, youngsters spend a large portion of
a
Correct article usage
the
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 day with their electronic
devices
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. Previous generations did not have the luxury of mobile phones or
computers
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.
Hence
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, the most common entertainment they knew was books. Reading books improved their reading and writing
skills
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. Unfortunately, today,
people
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 rarely have time to read newspapers or books. The downside of
this
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 is young
people
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 not getting the
skills
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 they
needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
 to improve their literacy. Because they only use phones for social media and to watch videos,
non
Correct your spelling
none
show examples
 of these help to increase
the
Change the word
their
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 reading and writing talent
of
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apply
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theirs
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
For instance
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, studies have proven that teenagers who spend an excessive amount of time with electronic
devices
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 tend to
loose
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lose
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the
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apply
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oral communication
skills
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 as well.
Additionally
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, numerous computer software developed for writing
has
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have
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 encouraged youngsters to forget the language rules.
All most all the
Correct determiner usage
Most
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computers
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 today
are consist
Change the verb form
consist
show examples
 of spell and grammar checkers. When
people
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 continuously use them, it is common to forget the spellings and the general writing rules of any particular language.
Moreover
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, when using electronic communication methods
such
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 as short messages,
young
Add an article
the young
a young
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 generation is using the short version of languages. The dangerous effect of
this
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 is some of those terms
now
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are now
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 identified as a part of the language.
Therefore
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,
due to
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 smartphones and
computers
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 not only young, but everyone is
loosing
Replace the word
losing
show examples
 their writing touch. In conclusion,
although
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 electronic
devices
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 are easing the lifestyle of
people
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 today, the negative side of them is
people
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loosing
Replace the word
losing
show examples
 their reading and writing
skills
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especially
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, especially
show examples
 the young generation. The most common reason for
this
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 is spending more and more time with them and using various software designed for writing.
Hence
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, I agree that these
devices
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 are causing certain damage to the literacy level of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adolescents.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to provide a clearer structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea that ties back to your thesis. This will help improve the logical flow of your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that each argument is fully supported with more detailed examples or explanations. This will enhance the clarity and depth of your ideas.
grammar and mechanics
Check for minor grammatical errors and ensure your spelling is correct, particularly when using terms that are common in academic writing. This will improve your overall presentation.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, which is essential for a strong argument.
task achievement
You have provided some relevant examples that illustrate your points well, particularly regarding the impact of technology on communication skills.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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