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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show each grade level’s activity and the total revenue gained from it, by percentage, from King Primary School’s recent fundraising event. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show each grade level’s activity and the total revenue gained from it, by percentage, from King Primary School’s recent fundraising event. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The chart visualizes the total percentage of income collected at the fundraising event in the King Primary school. The
activities
Use synonyms
 involved from first to sixth
grade
Use synonyms
 in order are dance
competition
Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
show examples
, cake decorating
Use synonyms
contest
Fix the agreement mistake
contests
show examples
, book
Use synonyms
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
, art
Use synonyms
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
, cookie
Use synonyms
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
 and soccer skill
Use synonyms
contest
Fix the agreement mistake
contests
show examples
.
Chart
Add an article
The chart
show examples
 shows the dance and cake decoration
contest
Use synonyms
 has raised most of the fundraising event,
where
Correct word choice
whereas
show examples
 the art and book
sale
Use synonyms
 activity for the
third
Linking Words
 and
fourth-
Correct your spelling
fourth grade
show examples
grade
Use synonyms
 raised very low compared to the other
activities
Use synonyms
. The cookie
sale
Use synonyms
 and soccer skill content
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 earned a decent amount of portion in total. The dance competitions
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 made the most significant portion
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 with other of 23.7% in total. It is followed by the cake decoration
contest
Use synonyms
 for the
second
Linking Words
grade
Use synonyms
 with 20.9%, which stands in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second
Linking Words
 place. The book
sale
Use synonyms
 has earned the least amount
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
just 7.8% in total
bellow
Correct your spelling
below
show examples
 the art
sale
Use synonyms
 for the
third
Linking Words
grade
Use synonyms
, of which 13.9%. Among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
all the
activities
Use synonyms
 from the first to sixth
grade
Use synonyms
 the
Use synonyms
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 has able to make nearly 40% in total,
where
Correct word choice
whereas
show examples
 the contests,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, made significantly better. In the
sale
Use synonyms
 activity, the fifth
grade
Use synonyms
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
collected most of 18.3%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "second, third".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words activities, grade, contest, sale with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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