The graphs below show the post-school qualifications held by Australians in the age groups 25 to 34 and 55 to 69.
The pie chart illustrates the various age groups of Australians who hold a post-school qualification and
also
their main field of study in percentages respectively.
Overall
, in both the ages social sciences and arts were the highest percent
, Change the spelling
per cent
while
the minimum percentage of them are qualified in administration, architecture and other.
The Australians of age 25-34 were
Unnecessary verb
apply
Correct article usage
a totally
totally
Replace the word
total
357,500
, out of which 19.48% of them chose Social science and Arts. Change preposition
of 357,500
However
, people
who opted for Administration and Science, Maths, Information
Technology were 19.08% and 18.19%. Correct word choice
and Information
Moreover
, the combined percentage of Education and Engineering is 24.12%, while
those having medicine and law degrees are 7.40% and 5.54%. Finally
, students who acquired qualifications in Others, Veterinary and Agriculture and in
Architecture were 2.24%, 2.10% and 1.85%.
Change preposition
apply
On the other hand
, people
who hold a degree between the age
55-69 Fix the agreement mistake
ages
were
totally 104,800. Unnecessary verb
apply
However
, people
who gained a degree in social sciences, arts and engineering were the highest with 20.42% and 19.27% respectively. Moreover
, people
who graduated in administration and education were 14.90% and 13.17%, while
the combined percentage of medicine and science, maths graduates are
21.46%. Correct subject-verb agreement
is
Finally
, people
who are qualified in law, architecture, other and veterinary, agriculture are 3.34%, 2.96%, 2.48% and 2%.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally, however, moreover, while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
▼
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!