Some people think parents should control the behaviour of children from a very young age but others think we should give them more freedom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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The approach of upbringing children is largely-
dependent
Suggestion
depends
depending
depend
on their parents' mentality. While some people
are arguing
Suggestion
argue
with giving too much freedom to their
childs
a young person of either sex
children
child
shields
,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
tend to agree with others who are against of overcontrolling of young people.
To begin
with the idea of managing
children
Suggestion
children's
child's
child
behaviour, it is extremely common for many families to have a great
affect
a phenomenon that follows and is caused by some previous phenomenon
effect
on their children's choices.
This
impact relates not only with serious decisions to be made up
,
Accept space
,
but parents
also
frequently are pressing their children to act in a favour of them
,
Accept space
,
even in trivial situations.
For example
, if a teenager wants to go out with a partner
,
Accept space
,
whom she or he prefer to be with, his or her mother or father will not give a permission
untill
up to, before the time
until
they feel that the partner is suitable for their children. By minimising the right of choice for young people, parents could make them feel depressed and lonely, which would cause a possible health problem due to their weakened immune system by being
demotivated
.
However
, if children do feel comfort for making their own choice without any pressure from their close relatives, it will give them a great motivation to explore the world and identify the consequences of their decisions by their own.
This
is because, even when people sometimes fail in achieving their goals, it may bring them
invaluable life experience
Suggestion
the invaluable life experience
.
Conversely
, the fact that there
is
Suggestion
are
no possibilities of failure due to the lack of freedom for children in making a
decisions
Suggestion
decision
will give them untrue attitude towards nowadays' life. In conclusion, the attempts of parents to control the behaviour of their children could lead to
demotivation
and having health issues as a consequence, but an experience of wrong choices made by children might teach them a lot rather than not permitting them to have a right of free choice.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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