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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows how elderly people in the United States spent their free time between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows how elderly people in the United States spent their free time between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#people #states #time #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The line
graph
Use synonyms
 gives information about how elderly
people
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spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 their leisure
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 between the years 1980 to 2010 in the United States. The
graph
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 gives certain activities that elderly
people
Use synonyms
 did
between
Change preposition
during
show examples
 these years. These are reading, hiking, watching TV, surfing the internet and going to the theatre.
Firstly
Linking Words
, all of these activities drastically became more popular for the elderly in
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 span during the
1980
Fix apostrophe usage
1980s
show examples
’s
Use synonyms
 to the
2010
Fix apostrophe usage
2010s
show examples
’s
Use synonyms
. Over
time
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, the
activity
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 that elderly
people
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 started to enjoy was hiking
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and is an
activity
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 that most of them enjoyed spending their free
time
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. The
graph
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 shows a
staggaring
Correct your spelling
staggering
 60% increase in hiking, where in 1980, hiking was at an
all
Add a hyphen
all-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 low at 20% and a whopping 80% in late
2010
Fix apostrophe usage
2010s
show examples
’s
Use synonyms
. Hiking easily became the most popular
activity
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 amongst elderly
people
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 over
these
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 years.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
activity
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 that was most common for the elderly was watching
television
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. The
graph
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 shows that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 watching
television
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 was the topmost and steadily growing leisure
activity
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 in the
1980
Fix apostrophe usage
1980s
show examples
’s
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 at around 60% and grew until the
2000
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2000s
show examples
’s
Use synonyms
, when it slowly started to
decrease
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 from 70% to around 65%, and will continue to
decrease
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 in the near future.
This
Linking Words
decrease
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 in watching
television
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 was caused by the spike
growth
Change preposition
in growth
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 of surfing the internet from about 15% in the
2000
Fix apostrophe usage
2000s
show examples
’s
Use synonyms
 and an impressive 50% in 2010.
This
Linking Words
decrease
Use synonyms
 in watching
television
Use synonyms
 was mainly caused by the massive growth of the internet and online industry in the early
2000
Fix apostrophe usage
2000s
show examples
’s
Use synonyms
. To summarize,
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graph, people, time, ’s, activity, television, decrease with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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