IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children's behaviour. Do you agree or disagree

#amount #violence #television #impact #children #behaviour
There is no doubt children being exposed to more violence in recent years through television. Some people believe
this
 will have negative effects on young minds, others argue against it. I completely agree that watching action movies, or similar TV, will impact children adversely. Movies,
such
 as Die Hard, X-Men, are acceptable in today's society. Even film rating agencies tend to rate them at a PG-12 level.
This
 provides validity and creates a sense of normalcy in parents' minds.
However
, in reality, young adults mimic their favourite characters in their real life. In a recent survey, many students selected action superhero, when asked about what they want to be when they grow old.
This
 clearly shows that reality is being distorted by these action movies, which could lead to detrimental effect on society as a whole.
In addition
, 24/7 news channels opt to prioritize negative stories over positive ones. A research conducted by the Bombay University shows, 91% of coverage revolves around negative events and 72% of airtime devoted to stories that involves murder, kidnaping, or attacks.
This
 will skew the perception in developing brains towards violence being normal in everyday life. While in reality, data suggest that we are living in the most peaceful time in all of human history and these acts of threats are rare and occasional. In conclusion,
this
 essay argued, movies and news on television tend to disproportionately allot airtime to telecast negative coverage. In my opinion, being surrounded by negative information, will adversely impact a child's development.
Submitted by siddhzankat+ielts9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: