1.Some people think that lawbreakers should be sent to prison. However, others think that better talents among those should be made to work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sending the lawbreakers into confinement is an obligation for some
people
, while
others argue that it is better to employ the capable people
among them. In this
essay, both very topical debates would
be investigated Wrong verb form
will
as well as
a deep reason.
The proponents of this
perspective are extremely encouraging to send the offenders to jail. Firstly
, having them to be punished in prison would be right
punishment, even though some of them have Correct article usage
the right
a
great potential. In fact, if Remove the article
apply
the
law enforcement gives them a chance to explore their capabilities, they Correct article usage
apply
also
could have a creative way to do a criminal. Moreover
, arresting them would be a good time for them to heal minds
for Correct pronoun usage
their minds
introspecting
from their mistakes. Wrong verb form
introspect
On the contrary
, if they are given a chance to explore their talents, they could not have the opportunity to realize on
their fault. Ultimately, there is no need Change preposition
apply
compensation
Change preposition
for compensation
of
sanction for the lawbreakers. Correct your spelling
or
This
would be a great deal for the state to decrease the number of criminals.
However
, the opponents are disappointed to transfer them to the
prison. First and foremost, the offender should take responsibility which is related to Correct article usage
apply
kind
of mistake they made. As usual, the well-known retribution to do for them is about sending Correct article usage
the kind
into
lockup, yet there are other beneficial ways of punishing the trespasser. Those talented Correct pronoun usage
them into
people
could be contributing more for
several aspects Change preposition
to
to
the nation Change preposition
of
instead
of staying calm in the
jail. Correct article usage
apply
Furthermore
, the policy maker
could punish them Correct your spelling
policymaker
through
employing them without Change preposition
by
wage
in certain Fix the agreement mistake
wages
period
and Fix the agreement mistake
periods
area
. Fix the agreement mistake
areas
Then
, the government would have great advantages for those people
.
By way of conclusion, the advocates said that the right punishment for lawbreakers is by transferring them to the penitentiary, but some people
agree to say
that it would be effective discipline to employ Verb problem
apply
the
talented offenders Correct article usage
apply
for keeping
contributing to the nation. As I would state Change preposition
to keep
that
the wrong Correct word choice
apply
people
should be allocated in jail, though they have great talents, there is no dispensation for doing
punishment.Unnecessary verb
apply
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Task Achievement
The essay partially addresses the prompt by discussing both views, but the arguments lack depth and development. The ideas presented need to be more comprehensive and clearly articulated with specific examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat flawed due to insufficient coherence and cohesion. The introduction and conclusion are present, but the essay lacks a clear organization of ideas and linking devices.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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