IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many countries, the quality of life in the large cities is worsening. What possibly can cause this problem? What measures can be taken to resolve it?

#countries #quality #life #cities #measures
Many cities across the globe are witnessing a decline in the quality of
life
.
This
 essay will look at the reasons behind
this
 and give some possible measures to overcome the problems of city dwellers.
Firstly
, an
ever increasing
Add a hyphen
ever-increasing
show examples
 population and migration of
people
 from rural to urban areas have caused congestion.
This
 has led to growth in the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
slums
 in some areas.
Slums
 as we know do not have any basic
facilities
 like hospitals, sanitation,
clean
Correct word choice
and clean
show examples
 drinking water and are a hotbed of diseases.
As a result
 of living in unhygienic conditions, not only
people
Add a missing verb
do people
show examples
 in
slums
 suffer from serious health problems, but
also
aid
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the cause of
spreading
Correct article usage
the spreading
show examples
flu
Change preposition
of flu
show examples
 and other viruses.
Secondly
, hectic
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
show examples
 and excessive
workload
Fix the agreement mistake
workloads
show examples
also
 hamper the quality of
life
. To explain it
further
, extended working hours,
long
Correct word choice
and long
show examples
 commuting
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 leave urban with hardly ever time to
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
show examples
 in recreational activities, which are indispensable to ensure the
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
 of human beings.
As a consequence
, there has been a sharp rise in the prevalence of psychiatric problems among
people
 in large cities. To look at the possible measures, the government should develop affordable accommodation
facilities
 to accommodate an ever-growing number of city dwellers. There should be strict restrictions on
building
Add an article
the building
show examples
 of
slums
 and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stern action
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to
take
Wrong verb form
be taken
show examples
 against offenders. In order to control the influx of rural migrants, the government should focus on the development of the countryside. Gyms and recreational
facilities
 like parks, gardens
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
yoga centres, etc should
also
 be constructed by the government and there should be no charge to use them.
Moreover
,
positives
Correct article usage
the positives
show examples
 of good health should be highlighted, asking
people
 to follow a balanced
life
.
To conclude
,
unfettered
Correct article usage
the unfettered
show examples
 growth of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
, stressful lifestyle and lack of basic
facilities
 in certain areas have made
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
 worse in cities. Undoubtedly, if
this
 situation is to be improved, effective measures have to be taken.
Submitted by jdsmss on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is clear and follows a logical progression. However, some areas could be improved to enhance coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete and relevant response to the task. Clear and comprehensive ideas are presented with relevant specific examples. However, there is room for improvement in task achievement.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: