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Writing Samples
Band 5

NOWADAYS A LARGE AMOUNT OF ADVERTISING AIMED AT CHILDREN SHOULD BE BANNED BECAUSE OF THE NEGATIVE EFFECTS. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

#amount #children #effects
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It is augured that commercial aimed at young people must be forbidden since the number of
children
Suggestion
children's
product
Use synonyms
 is increasing dramatically in any part of the word. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because they don't have ability to afford
expensive
Suggestion
expensive products
an expensive product
product
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 they are not mature enough to distinguish that wanted or needed it.
First
Linking Words
 of all, majority of adolescent they
can not
can not
cannot
 afford expensive
Use synonyms
product since
Accept comma addition
product, since
 they are unable to work for
living
Suggestion
a living
. In other word, follow whatever fashionable or tendency can lead to children became materialism. I am a shining example, when I was in elementary school, there are tons of commercial had showed
,
Accept space
,
 since I was not born in rich family so I felt awkward when
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 cannot have a beautiful doll or
dress
Suggestion
a dress
. Because that,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 stole it from my classmate, as
result i
Suggestion
a result, I
result I
a result I
a result i
was be grounded
Suggestion
was grounded
, and that was
wose
(comparative of 'bad') inferior to another in quality or condition or desirability
worse
wise
 than
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 did not have it.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, children are too young to distinct what need to buy or want to buy, I supposed adolescent request their parents buy a
product
Use synonyms
 which is cost on the earth
,
Accept space
,
 since they just want show off to friends. On
other hands
Suggestion
the other hand
other hand
, if government can forbid to release fancy and exaggerate commercial, young people would not know what is the tendency nowadays.
Consquently
Suggestion
Consequently
, children more likely pay attention on study rather advertising material. For
instant
Suggestion
an instant
, my nieces who
doesn't allow
Suggestion
don't allow
 watch television and advertising
,
Accept space
,
therefore
Linking Words
, she never barging with her parents buy anything for her, and she still happy and satisfied anything
she
of a female
her
 own. In conclusion, in my perspective, I am in
favor
promote over another
favour
 of the ideal that
advertisement
Suggestion
advertisements
the advertisement
an advertisement
 should be forbidden to children because they won't have material desire
on
Suggestion
for
 luxury products to compare with others. By doing
this
Linking Words
, children can focus on their homework and study, and satisfied what they have.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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