IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

1.Some people think that lawbreakers should be sent to prison. However, others think that better talents among those should be made to work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #lawbreakers #prison #talents #work
An argument, whether to imprison the guilty or utilize their talents by making them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
do
work
 has always been a hot topic and it should be put forward in
logical
Correct article usage
a logical
show examples
 and
fact full
Correct word choice
factual
show examples
 manner.
This
 essay will put
lights
Fix the agreement mistake
light
show examples
 on both views and provide opinion
at the end
. No doubt, sending the culprit to
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
imprisonment will do justice to the victim, the family of the victim and most importantly to the nation. The guilty should learn the lesson
hard
Correct article usage
the hard
show examples
 way. Until they know about the impact of
heinous
Correct article usage
the heinous
show examples
crime
 they have committed, they
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 not realize the intensity of it.
For example
, throwing them in jail in the case of rape and murder, should not suffice, but they should be given the highest degree of punishment like a death sentence.
On the other hand
, criminals can be utilized to do
work
according to
 the skill and talent they have. Some crimes don't have much impact and alleged guilty can be given
second
Correct article usage
a second
show examples
 chance to civilize themselves.
For example
, cases
such
 as purse snatching by juveniles can be considered as less impactful
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 and they should be taught a lesson by making them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
do the
work
. Another example
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 can be
fighting
Correct article usage
the fighting
show examples
 of two people on the road.
However
, if the same
crime
 happens in a repetitive manner by the same person
then
 more strong action should be levied.
To conclude
,
however
, there are some crimes for which
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
 can be taught by making them do the
work
, it should depend on the intensity
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 the
crime
 to punish or not to punish.n
Submitted by khushbubca on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses both views but lacks a clear opinion at the end. Ensure that the opinion is presented and supported at the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is partially developed. Work on organizing the ideas into clear paragraphs and linking them together logically.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: