IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways. What is your opinion?

#people #success #measure #intelligence
Nowadays intelligent
people
 are respected around the world.
Although
 a few public
considered
Wrong verb form
consider
show examples
 that
success
 is the best measure, others deny and believe that there are a few other ways to
measured
Wrong verb form
measure
show examples
talents
Fix the agreement mistake
talent
show examples
. In my opinion, I personally think that
success
 is the significance policy for intelligence because
success
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
confidence
as well as
push
Correct subject-verb agreement
pushes
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a new happier
life
as well
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
Firstly
,
people
 got
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
confidence
 from being successful.
In other words
,
success
 always appropriate the human for doing well every time and
people
 always try their best in every work of
life
.
For example
,
while
 my brother got
GPA
Correct article usage
a GPA
show examples
 FIVE in
Secondary
Correct article usage
the Secondary
show examples
 Certificate Examination, he again started to
putting
Wrong verb form
put in
show examples
 his hundred percent effort,
as a result
, he
earn
Wrong verb form
earned
show examples
GPA
Correct article usage
a GPA
show examples
 FIVE again in the Higher Secondary Examination.
Besides
,
success
 always
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
confidence
 to
people
 for doing well all
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
.
Secondly
,
success
 made happier
life
 of
people
.
Correct word choice
happier.
show examples
In other words
, society always
respect
Change the verb form
respects
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
successful
people
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
as well as
 in the field of work,
for instance
, successful
people
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 the best job opportunities
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all over the world because of
only
Rephrase
apply
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
success
 of
people
. As a result, they can build their future happier.
Moreover
, a happier future is important for the family of successful
people
 as well. In conclusion, succeeding in
life
 is beneficial in various ways.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 I think that being successful is the best way for intelligence. Because it always
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
confidence
as well as
manufactured
Wrong verb form
manufactures
show examples
 happier upcoming days
Rephrase
apply
show examples
also
.
Submitted by mdtanviralam66 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: