IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers .Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #money #gift #teenagers
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the past few
decades it
Accept comma addition
decades, it
 has been
undisputable
not open to question; obviously true
indisputable
 that financial resources
has been
Suggestion
have been
 indispensable and prominent part of human well-being. A certain number of experts hold an opinion that adolescents adore to receive
money
Use synonyms
 as a present
,
Accept space
,
 whereas multiple opinions postulate that
money
Use synonyms
 has
unpleasant impact
Suggestion
an unpleasant impact
 on teenagers
.
Accept space
.
Analysis of arguments in
favor
promote over another
favour
 of both sides of the coin will be envisaged in the framework of
this
Linking Words
 essay supported with my personal viewpoint. On the one hand, advocates of the monetary gifts adhere to their position that
money
Use synonyms
become
Suggestion
becomes
 an integral part of contemporary society and almost every area requires
money
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, it would be wise to give the
money
Use synonyms
 to juvenile’s birthday
.
Accept space
.
 Another convincing argument in
favor
promote over another
favour
fewer
 gifts of
money
Use synonyms
 is that tremendous and priceless opportunity to purchase desired items. An explanation lies on the fact that in most
cases parents
Accept comma addition
cases, parents
 have no exact ideas about children’s wish-list and buy items based on their desires.
However
Linking Words
, in reality, adolescents might not like purchased presents that were given
,
Accept space
,
even it could indeed be unnecessary stuffs.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, opponents of
Use synonyms
money gifts
Accept comma addition
money, gifts
 see no prominent benefits of giving financial resources to teenager’s birth date, on the basis of several arguments.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost, there is no absolute guarantee that teenagers will spend provided
money
Use synonyms
 on really useful items, since they might purchase drugs or alcohol beverages.
Besides
Linking Words
, a common scientific belief proves the harmful
affect
a phenomenon that follows and is caused by some previous phenomenon
effect
 of complimentary
money
Use synonyms
 to teenager’s psychology.
This
Linking Words
 inevitably leads children to believe that
such
Linking Words
 present is normal
,
Accept space
,
 or even desirable and gradually the value of
money
Use synonyms
 will be lost. In the light of above mentioned arguments, it may be summarized
that albeit
Accept comma addition
that, albeit
money
Use synonyms
 can provide numerous opportunities
,
Accept space
,
 I
,
Accept space
,
 personally reckon that there are
range
Suggestion
ranges
 of alternatives to
Use synonyms
money
Suggestion
monetary
 gifts that would be actually helpful as long as present would be carefully chosen.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial responsibility
  • budget
  • save
  • informed spending decisions
  • personal preferences
  • practical and efficient
  • unwanted or inappropriate gifts
  • impersonal
  • emotional value
  • thoughtfulness
  • personal consideration
  • wise financial decisions
  • frivolously
  • lasting memories and experiences
  • educational courses
  • hobby-related equipment
  • long-lasting positive impact
  • fostering interests and skills
What to do next:
Look at other essays: