IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Nowadays public transport prices are constantly increasing. Why do you think this is happening? How can this problem be solved?

#transport #prices
There has been a worrying trend that local commutes
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 their fare.
This
 trend can be ascribed to a
number
 of reasons and it must be addressed by definite actions. The primary reason is that people tend to move
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their own
vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
show examples
.
This
 causes less
number
 of daily passengers. So, to cope
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with daily expenses, prices must be hiked.
In other words
, the wages of the staff can be reimbursed by implementing extra burden on the daily commuters.
For instance
, a recent survey by an eminent statistician revealed that only 59% of employees working in the conveyance department get their salary transferred on time. Another clear reason is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fuel prices are increasing on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis due
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 limited availability of fossil fuels.
This
 decreases the fuel economy of the vehicle and the officials are forced to push up the ticket price.
Moreover
, the government funding that was provided to the department has been given to the
defense
Change the spelling
defence
show examples
due to
 some quite obvious reasons. A
number
 of strong measures must be implemented to tackle
this
 sensitive issue. The first solution is that
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 administration should add some electric vehicles
Change preposition
to
show examples
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their public fleet.
This
 not only reduces the impact of conventional vehicles on
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 but
also
 reduces the effective running cost. Another feasible solution is that people should understand the importance of local transport.
This
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
reach
ealry
Correct your spelling
early
 at their destination
due to
 the
reduce
Change the verb form
reduced
show examples
 traffic on the roads.
To conclude
, there are
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of reasons why escalation in the price of local transportation services takes place and it can be tackled by a
number
 of remedies.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the topic, but the ideas are not fully developed or supported with relevant examples. More specific examples and clearer ideas are required to fully address the task.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present, but the logical structure of the essay needs improvement. The essay lacks clear connections between ideas and examples, leading to a lack of coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: