IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some countries have legal ages at which people can drink. Other countries believe not having strict laws is a better policy. Discuss both and give your opinion.

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In some areas of the world,
people
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 are allowed to drink
alcohol
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 after reaching the
age
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 of majority. It is a contentious issue whether
such
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 a rule is more beneficial or whether
people
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 should have free access to
this
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 substance regardless the
age
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. In
this
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 essay, I will elaborate on both points of view and give my own opinion.
To begin
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 with,
people
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 like to oppose. If the law forbids drinking, society will find a way to do so illegally.
For example
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, youngsters will buy it from older friends.
Moreover
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, it may become popular on the black market as the young generation may be eager to buy
this
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 drink for a much bigger price.
Therefore
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, rather than banning
alcohol
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, authorities should focus on responsible regulation, education, and awareness to promote safer drinking habits in society.
On the other hand
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, freedom of
consumption
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 may have some disadvantages too.
For instance
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, it may increase the rate of addiction within a country. If
people
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 are not informed about the negatives of drinking
alkohol
Correct your spelling
alcohol
, they will destroy their own
health
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.
Additionally
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, young
people
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 who start drinking at an early
age
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 may be more vulnerable to developing long-term
health
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 issues, including liver damage, cognitive impairment, and mental
health
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 problems. Unregulated access to
alcohol
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 may
also
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 lead to increased cases of drunk driving, which poses a serious threat to public safety. Countries with lax
alcohol
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 regulations often report higher rates of
alcohol
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-related accidents and fatalities.
Thus
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, placing
age
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 restrictions on
alcohol
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consumption
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 helps protect vulnerable populations and reduces the social burden associated with
alcohol
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 abuse. In conclusion, a balanced approach is the most effective solution.
While
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 it is essential to respect individual freedom, society must
also
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 prioritize public
health
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 and safety. Governments should maintain a legal drinking
age
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 to prevent underage
consumption
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while
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 simultaneously investing in education programs to inform
people
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 about the risks of
alcohol
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 misuse. Responsible
consumption
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 can only be achieved through a combination of regulation and awareness rather than complete prohibition or unrestricted access.

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task achievement
Consider expanding your arguments with more specific examples to strengthen your points.
task achievement
Make sure to clarify your opinion in the conclusion more explicitly. Although you mention a balanced approach, restate your stance clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow between paragraphs by using more cohesive devices to link ideas and enhance clarity.
content
Your introduction effectively outlines the topic and sets the stage for the discussion.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with clear paragraphs dedicated to each point of view.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legal drinking age
  • Underage drinking
  • Health repercussions
  • Addiction
  • Drunk-driving
  • Responsible drinking
  • Forbidden fruit
  • Social rituals
  • Public health
  • Safety framework
  • Risks of alcohol
  • Cultural differences
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