IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many people buy products that they do not really need and replace old products with new ones unnecessarily. Why do people buy things they do not really need? Do you think this is a good thing?

#people #products #ones
In today's modern era, new
products
 are launched
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
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 blink
Change preposition
of the
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the
Correct article usage
an
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eyes
Fix the agreement mistake
eye
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,
either
Correct word choice
whether
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 these are gadgets, clothes or kitchen items.
However
, many people buy these
products
 unnecessarily even, if, they already have
that
Change the determiner
that product
those products
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products
 in old form. In my opinion, buying new things, which are not in need
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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just
scrap
Change the article
a scrap
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 of cash.
This
 essay will
further
 elaborate
the
Change preposition
on the
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 reasons and negative effects of
this
 trend and
thus
 will form a logical conclusion. Analysing the statement the first and foremost reason behind
this
 trend is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the pressure from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
peer
Fix the agreement mistake
peers
show examples
 and society.
This
 trend occurs differently in each category,
such
 as youngsters
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 new gadgets to show their friends and make a good impression in front of them.
Moreover
, women buy new
products
such
 as clothes, accessories and kitchen equipment to show off their status in front of other women.
In addition
, men buy new
products
such
 as expensive clothes and automobiles to show off their reputation to their friends and colleagues.
Nevertheless
, buying new things which are not needed is just a waste of money, which
also
allure
Verb problem
entices
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 others to do the same.
Furthermore
, buying new gadgets
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 a waste of money, but throwing
the
Rephrase
away the
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 old ones not only wither wealth
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
harm
Correct subject-verb agreement
harms
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 the environment, because the batteries of these appliances produce harmful chemicals which cause pollution in the environment and that
further
 cause disease and harm animals when they swallow it.
To conclude
, buying new substances which are not used
harm
Correct subject-verb agreement
harms
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature and
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
waste of money.
A authorities
Correct the article-noun agreement
Authorities
show examples
 if take huge steps
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
this
 swing can be reduced.
Submitted by kallyk90 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure and fails to present a well-organized argument. There is a lack of coherence and cohesion, leading to a disjointed and unclear presentation of ideas.

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