IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people buy products that they do not really need and replace old products with new ones unnecessarily. Why do people buy things they do not really need? Do you think this is a good thing?

#people #products #ones
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In today's modern era, new
products
Use synonyms
 are launched
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
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 blink
Change preposition
of the
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the
Correct article usage
an
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eyes
Fix the agreement mistake
eye
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,
either
Correct word choice
whether
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 these are gadgets, clothes or kitchen items.
However
Linking Words
, many people buy these
products
Use synonyms
 unnecessarily even, if, they already have
that
Change the determiner
that product
those products
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products
Use synonyms
 in old form. In my opinion, buying new things, which are not in need
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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just
scrap
Change the article
a scrap
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 of cash.
This
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 essay will
further
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 elaborate
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 reasons and negative effects of
this
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 trend and
thus
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 will form a logical conclusion. Analysing the statement the first and foremost reason behind
this
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 trend is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the pressure from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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peer
Fix the agreement mistake
peers
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 and society.
This
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 trend occurs differently in each category,
such
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 as youngsters
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
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 new gadgets to show their friends and make a good impression in front of them.
Moreover
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, women buy new
products
Use synonyms
such
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 as clothes, accessories and kitchen equipment to show off their status in front of other women.
In addition
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, men buy new
products
Use synonyms
such
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 as expensive clothes and automobiles to show off their reputation to their friends and colleagues.
Nevertheless
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, buying new things which are not needed is just a waste of money, which
also
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allure
Verb problem
entices
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 others to do the same.
Furthermore
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, buying new gadgets
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also
Add a missing verb
is also
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 a waste of money, but throwing
the
Rephrase
away the
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 old ones not only wither wealth
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
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harm
Correct subject-verb agreement
harms
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 the environment, because the batteries of these appliances produce harmful chemicals which cause pollution in the environment and that
further
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 cause disease and harm animals when they swallow it.
To conclude
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, buying new substances which are not used
harm
Correct subject-verb agreement
harms
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature and
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
waste of money.
A authorities
Correct the article-noun agreement
Authorities
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 if take huge steps
than
Correct your spelling
then
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this
Linking Words
 swing can be reduced.
Submitted by kallyk90 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure and fails to present a well-organized argument. There is a lack of coherence and cohesion, leading to a disjointed and unclear presentation of ideas.
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