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Writing Samples
Band 4

Population of adults has IS INCREASING IN SOME COUNTRIES DOES IT HAS ADVANTAGES OR DISADVANTAGES

#population #adults #countries
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Population
Suggestion
The population
 of the
country
Use synonyms
 decides its economy and development.There is a debate that either population of young adults is more
benifical
promoting or enhancing well-being
beneficial
 or not.There is no doubt that youth has potential to drive
economy but
Suggestion
the economy, but
the economy but
 we
can not
can not
cannot
 ignore
experience
Suggestion
the experience
 of
older
Suggestion
the older generation
older generations
an older generation
generation
Use synonyms
. In my essay I will explain both aspects and
than
subsequently or soon afterward (often used as sentence connectors)
then
 conclude the main idea Young people
decides
Suggestion
decide
 future of any
country
Use synonyms
.
Accept space
.
They are more ambitious and hardworking
.
Accept space
.
They have
hight
the time after sunset and before sunrise while it is dark outside
night
 vision and their determination can achieve
any thing
an indefinite thing
anything
 in
world
Suggestion
the world
.
young
(used of living things especially persons) in an early period of life or development or growth
Young
 blood is basically workforce for any
country
Use synonyms
.
Accept space
.
Japan a
veery
used as an intensifier
very
 developed
country
Use synonyms
 they
heir young
Accept comma addition
heir, young
hire young
 employees because they have more people with old age
.
Accept space
.
Educated and skilled young
generation
Use synonyms
 is
precious acet
Suggestion
a precious asset
precious asset
 of any
country
Use synonyms
.
Accept space
.
They are more curious and they work really hard in
field
Suggestion
the field
fields
 of science and technology.
Linking Words
However if
Accept comma addition
However, if
 we have more population of young people we need more jobs and we have to
creat
make or cause to be or to become
create
 more
oppournities
a possibility due to a favorable combination of circumstances
opportunities
opponents
 in order to focus
thCeir
of them or themselves
their
 mind in
positive direction
Suggestion
a positive direction
positive directions
the positive direction
.
Linking Words
However we
Accept comma addition
However, we
 cannot ignore
importance
Suggestion
the importance
 of
old
Suggestion
the older
older
generation
Use synonyms
.Imagine a hospital without experienced surgeons or a university without experienced professor
.
Accept space
.
Vitenam
a communist state in Indochina on the South China Sea; achieved independence from France in 1945
Vietnam
 is a
country
Use synonyms
 with
majority population
Suggestion
a majority population
 of
young
Suggestion
the younger
Use synonyms
generation but
Accept comma addition
generation, but
 when they were constructed a
subway they
Accept comma addition
subway, they
heired
having services engaged for a fee
hired
 experienced engineers and technicians from
japan
Suggestion
Japan
 and Thailand
.
Accept space
.
We can only work properly under those who spend their lives in learning things
.
Accept space
.
Infact older
Accept comma addition
In fact, older
In fact older
generation
Use synonyms
 is
main engine
Suggestion
the main engine
 of a train who drive whole
generation
Use synonyms
 in
right direction
Suggestion
the right direction
.
However
Linking Words
the more old
Suggestion
the older
generation
Use synonyms
 you have more you need to provide medical care and shelter facilities
In
Suggestion
At
end I
Suggestion
the end, I
the end I
 conclude my essay on point that if there is
combination
Suggestion
a combination
 of both young
generation
Use synonyms
 energy and old experienced mind we can achieve
any thing
an indefinite thing
anything
.
Accept space
.
Submitted by engrbilalrasheed08 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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