IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is a doctor's responsibility to inform patients if they have a serious disease. Doctors should not be allowed to withhold medical information from their patients. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#doctor #responsibility #patients #disease #doctors #information
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Despite the medical development, the past decades still saw there was an increasing number of serious diseases. It is widely debated whether a doctor can withhold medical information from their
patients
.
This
 essay will argue the reasons
which
Correct word choice
why
show examples
doctors
 should inform the
truth
 to their
patients
 thoughtfully. It might be claimed that
due to
 sympathy
doctors
 can
be allow
Change the verb form
be allowed
show examples
 to not tell the
truth
 to their
patients
, especially for those who are psychologically fragile.
For instance
, if a person hears that he gets cancer, he will be sad and depressed;
additionally
, for those who can not accept the
truth
, they may
committee
Replace the word
commit
show examples
 suicide.
Therefore
, some
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that in order to prevent
this
 tragedy,
doctors
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 hold back it.
Nevertheless
, in fact, some
patients
 are positive to fight against those diseases, though they know that they get a serious disease.
Thus
, the hypothesis which describes that
patients
 are psychologically fragile to accept the
truth
 is groundless. First of all, it is an undeniable fact that
patients
 have the right to know the medical information. Owing to individual rights,
doctors
 should not be allowed to withhold it.
Furthermore
,
doctors
 inform them thoughtfully, which means that they can make a more comprehensive strategy to fight against it.
Moreover
,
doctors
 tell them earlier, which means that the opportunity to conquer it will increase.
In contrast
, if
doctors
 hold back it, those
patients
 may lose the
chances
Fix the agreement mistake
chance
show examples
 to get a better treatment.
In addition
 to individual rights, because of moral bases, it is not acceptable that
doctors
 hold back
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Doctors
 are liable to cure
patients
, to inform them
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 medical information, and to provide them
suggestions
Change preposition
with suggestions
show examples
 which let them find a better treatment. Once they do not tell the
truth
 to their
patients
, they will violate their liability. In conclusion, some take issue with the statement
due to
 sympathy,
while
 I strongly believe that informing the
truth
 is necessary.
Submitted by 1011244132 on

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task response
Provide a more balanced discussion by including counter-arguments and refuting them to show a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Use transitional words and phrases to enhance the logical flow and coherence of the essay. Check for sentence structure and word choice issues to ensure clarity and coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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