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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid?

#people #entertainers #e #g #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money #jobs
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Recently, there has been a passionate argument about whether entertainers are paid too much money. Some people think that they do get paid too much money, whereas others disagree with
this
Linking Words
 notion. I strongly believe that entertainers are paid too much money and other workers should get paid high salaries
such
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 as teachers and doctors.
First
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 of all, doctors are essential to a person’s
health whereas
Accept comma addition
health, whereas
 entertainers are not.
For example
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, anyone can
Use synonyms
life
Suggestion
live
 a healthy
life
Use synonyms
 if they do not watch a famous
sports
Suggestion
sport
 professional whereas if they live a
life
Use synonyms
 without a doctor, they will not live a healthy
life
Use synonyms
Secondly
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, teachers are the pillar to a person’s
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education whereas
Accept comma addition
education, whereas
 entertainers are not important to a person’s
education
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. In layman’s terms, a person cannot get a good
education
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 without a teacher whereas if he does not listen to a famous musician it will not affect his
education
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. Others who disagree with
this
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 notion might say that entertainers work very hard every day to get a high
salary
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.
For example
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, there is a report that was made in the year 2010 that Cristiano
Ronaldo who
Accept comma addition
Ronaldo, who
 is a famous football player trained 10 hours a day for a whole year to get to high paying
salary
Use synonyms
 whereas teachers will only study for four years in college to get his degree and get his job. In conclusion, I believe that entertainers are getting a
salary
Use synonyms
that is
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 way beyond what they deserve whereas doctors and teachers are not getting the
salary
Use synonyms
 they deserve.
Submitted by mohammed.alzahid730 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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