IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how could they be reduced?

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There no doubt that these
days many
Accept comma addition
days, many
 movies have
violence
Use synonyms
 in
they
of them or themselves
their
 screen which are causing serious social problems. The question is what are these causes and how to decrease these problems?. In
this
Linking Words
 essay
im
Suggestion
I'm
 going to discuss the
effect
Use synonyms
 of
violence
Use synonyms
 in movies and how to solve
this
Linking Words
 dilemma. In terms of problems,
films
Suggestion
the films
 could have
Use synonyms
effect
Suggestion
an effect
 on kids these
day
Suggestion
days
. The main reason to support
this
Linking Words
 claim that children always have long free time and they spend it on watching movies too much
violence
Use synonyms
 on it. In other word, they could learn deadly move and do it
on
Suggestion
to
with
other
any of various alternatives; some other
another
 person or learn a bad word from
this
Linking Words
scenes
Suggestion
scene
 that could damage their social life.
However
Linking Words
, we need to drop that negative
effect
Use synonyms
 of movies on our social life.
Firstly
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, we need to put
on
Suggestion
in
 the places
that is
Linking Words
 shown or selling movies like cinema or
films
Suggestion
film
 shops, an age level.
in
Suggestion
In
 other word if a young boy
want
Suggestion
wants
 to get a movie has too much
violence
Use synonyms
 in
it he
Accept comma addition
it, he
 can't get it because the films have age level like
for example
Linking Words
, over 24 or above 18.
Secondly
Linking Words
, educate people
of
Suggestion
about
 the
effect
Use synonyms
 of
violence
Use synonyms
 on kid or children.
This
Linking Words
 is because, many adults today don't watch over their sons or their kids.
Also
Linking Words
, if the movie
have
Suggestion
has
 to much serious
violence
Use synonyms
 on it the government
should abandoned
Suggestion
should abandon
 he movie of the country. In conclusion, it is evident that the rate of
violence
Use synonyms
 is
increase
Suggestion
increasing
 in films and we need to reduce the causes of it in our life. The government must ensure step are taken to prevent
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon from deteriorating
future
to or at a greater extent or degree or a more advanced stage ('further' is used more often than 'farther' in this abstract sense)
further
.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • desensitization
  • empathy
  • aggressive behaviors
  • imitation
  • antisocial behavior
  • normalization
  • climate of fear
  • perceptions
  • mental health
  • aggression
  • emotional regulation
  • trauma-related symptoms
  • age ratings
  • critical viewing skills
  • nonviolent entertainment
  • film industry
  • regulate
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