IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The world is developing faster than before.
Accordingly
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, being skilful is essential for both men and women. In
this
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 regard, some people believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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males are more competitive than
females
Use synonyms
, as they are physically strong and can pay
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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attention
on
Change preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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one task, observing the process more deeply.
However
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, others feel that nowadays, women can succeed in many fields, as they are organized and good at multitasking. On the one hand, it is true that men are physically stronger,
this
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 ability can help them to be competitive in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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physically demanding jobs
such
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 as mining, construction and agriculture.
That is
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 to say, they can succeed in these spheres more easily than their counterpart.
Furthermore
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, they are able to focus on the task more deeply than their counterpart. To illustrate, many of them are good at
in
Change preposition
apply
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certain professions and spheres,
whereas
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they
Correct pronoun usage
their
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rival
Correct subject-verb agreement
rivals
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 can be productive
on
Change preposition
at
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 multitasking.
Accordingly
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, they cannot pay all their attention
on
Change preposition
to
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 the ongoing process.
On the other hand
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,
it is clear that
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due to
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 advanced technologies, the world is developing fast.
Accordingly
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, many types of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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jobs are disappearing, especially, the occupations
which are
Verb problem
that
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depends
Wrong verb form
depend
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 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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physical strength.
Consequently
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, these changes can improve the situation for
females
Use synonyms
, as their abilities and capabilities will be more valued than males.
Moreover
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, they are good at multitasking, and because of
this
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 skill, they can become more demanding.
For instance
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, there are many types of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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jobs, which are related to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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multitasking,
such
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 as administrative
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 and leadership.
As a result
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, the
females
Use synonyms
 can be productive in these areas. In conclusion,
although
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 many people
reckon to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
think that males are naturally more competitive than
females
Use synonyms
, others feel that the world is developing faster than before, and in the near future, women can use their full potential.
As a result
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, they will become more demanding than their counterpart.

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task response
Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt and presents both sides of the argument effectively. However, the analysis could be more balanced and address the nuances of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a clear logical structure, and the introduction and conclusion are well-presented. However, the supporting examples and arguments could be better connected to improve the overall coherence of the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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