IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what step can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make?

#life #improvements #health #people #age #sixty-five #lives #step #society #benefit #contribution
Living
life
 longer and health care improvements for older people, who are over sixty-five years old, are letting them pursue to get along full and active lives. People often enjoy their retirement and proceed to get rid of the stresses that made from their
work
life
.
However
, many are looking forward to making a more active contribution where possible.
This
 essay introduces how society benefits from older people's participation through
their
Suggestion
they're
 a bunch of
life
 experiences in school and
work
.
First
, presume in your young age and school classes that have elder people, it seems quite awful, but becoming involved in schools is one of how the
life
 experience of the elderly can be made available to the community. It is because families now are often more mobile than in the past, many children do not have regular contact with grandparents. Yet children are often fascinated by stories of
life
 in the past. Inviting local retired people into schools to speak to children can help to maintain a vital link between past and present. Another way in which society can benefit from a more active older generation is by inviting older employees to remain in
work
Suggestion
working
 part-time. Older people may not want to or indeed be able to do a full day's
work
;
however
, their experience may continue to be valuable to their employers. A good example of
this
 can be seen in one scheme in the UK in which elder employees remained in
work
 as mentors for younger employees. In my opinion, schools and the workplace are just two of the areas in which those who have reached retirement age can continue to contribute to their communities. As
life
 expectancy improves, the need to maintain an active and socially meaningful
life
 may
also
 increase. Experience suggests that
this
 trend can have benefits for all, not just the elderly.
Submitted by junui0821 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: