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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Caring for children is very important for our society. Therefore all mothers and fathers should take a child care training course. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #society #mothers #fathers #child #care #course
These days, whether
Technology
 has made children less creative have sometimes been the subject of debate by experts. Perhaps many people believe that
technology
make
Suggestion
makes
 children less creative.
However
, I strongly assert that
technology
 helps children to be more creative than they were in the past because
children
Suggestion
the children
 would have opportunities to
get the
Accept comma addition
get, the
 more specialized ability to broaden their perspective by using
application
Suggestion
applications
an application
 developed by
technology
.
Also
, they will make more efficient, productive
use
 of
time
 by having more education and be more creative by using many educational methods in class.
FIrstly
Suggestion
Firstly
, I do not think there is just
one
 way to develop certain capabilities. Children may obtain little knowledge to widen
one
's viewpoint when they
use
 other ways. But be that as it may, I strongly believe that children are likely to obtain a better ability to broaden their perspective by spending a lot of
time
 using
application
Suggestion
the application
an application
applications
 with
thier
of them or themselves
their
third
 phone. I believe
experience
 is
one
 of the most essential factors of being creative in
this
 world. Imagine people only have textbook knowledge, their vies will be so narrow. And children have less chance to
experience
 all the things since
thery
people in general
they
there
 are young. By using many various kinds of
application
with
Suggestion
by
 phone or tablet
pc
Suggestion
PC
, they can not only gain indirect
experience
 but
also
 broaden
their horizon of the
Suggestion
the horizon of their
 world.
For example
, children who downloaded global chatting
application
, they can make friend in there and have
communitcation
the activity of communicating; the activity of conveying information
communication
communications
 with them.
Thus they
Accept comma addition
Thus, they
 can indirectly learn
other's culture
Suggestion
the other's culture
 by having
conversation
Suggestion
a conversation
conversations
 with them. They could get more
capabilties
the quality of being capable -- physically or intellectually or legally
capabilities
 of feeling other cultures so they
copuld
requests polite permission
could
 get rid of the feeling of being frustrated when they actually go overseas
as a result
.
This
 will eventually lead
children
Suggestion
the children
 to broaden their perspective and think more widely.
In addition
, using
technology
 while studying will double
one
's productivity associated with involve in an educational process by making a better decision to
use
such
 as
youtube
Suggestion
YouTube
. Having some help from
youtube
Suggestion
YouTube
 will probably prevent children from wasting their
time
 struggling to do get educational information;
this
 means that they are
liely
has a good chance of being the case or of coming about
likely
to begin
 to allocate
time
 for more productive activities. They can get in-depth and expand knowledge related to science by watching many scientific experiments videos in
youtube
Suggestion
YouTube
.
so
to a very great extent or degree
So
 They can obtain valuable lessons, stay ahead and attain personal growth academically. While doing
this
, they can build necessary skills and gain experiences to succeed in career or to get a desirable job in the future by having
indirect
Suggestion
in direct
experience
 while watching many jobs review
in
Suggestion
on
youtube
Suggestion
YouTube
. For a case in point, my cousin sister who is very young squandered much
time
 trying to win talent show held in elementary school. She managed to sing and dance only to a limited degree, which was very difficult and hard productive results by everybody did that too.
However
, since she watched
youtube
Suggestion
YouTube
 clip who is singing while doing
magic trick
Suggestion
a magic trick
 at the same
time
, she could get more productive results
such
 as dancing and
magic trick
Suggestion
a magic trick
 at the same
time
. If she had made a
diffent
unlike in nature or quality or form or degree
different
 choice, she could not have got
such
 a good result. Important points that can be drawn from
this
 essay are the fact that children would improve
one
's ability, and children will
use
one
's
time
 more productively.
Thus
Suggestion
This
technology
 has made children to think
more creative
Suggestion
more creatively
.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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