Some people think that shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drink that has scientifically been proved to have bad effects on people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree

There is no denying the fact that some foods and beverages have a bad effect on human
health
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
there is a commonly held belief that shops must not be allowed to offer any
food
Use synonyms
or drink, which has been proven to have bad effects, there is
also
Linking Words
an argument against it. In my opinion, the government should ban
this
Linking Words
type of
food
Use synonyms
and beverage.
To begin
Linking Words
with, in recent years, there has been a trend in many countries, which is the spread of types of foods in local markets, many of which are unhealthy because they contain a very high percentage of sugar or cause some heart diseases,
such
Linking Words
as energy drinks.
In addition
Linking Words
, these types of foods and drinks have become very popular among
people
Use synonyms
, especially young
people
Use synonyms
, causing many side effects
such
Linking Words
as obesity and high blood pressure.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some
health
Use synonyms
organisations are warning about
such
Linking Words
kind of
food
Use synonyms
and presenting the impacts on
people
Use synonyms
's
health
Use synonyms
. Another point to consider is
also
Linking Words
true that
such
Linking Words
products are part of social life in many urban areas. Families and friends usually gather to enjoy junk
food
Use synonyms
and alcohol, and despite their harmful effects,
people
Use synonyms
still choose to consume them.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the Indonesian state , alcohol is banned by the government , but many citizens still manage to obtain it illegally.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
food
Use synonyms
companies contribute to raising the local economy , which makes it harder for authorities to restrict
such
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, despite
people
Use synonyms
having different views, I believe that governments should play a crucial role by imposing stricter regulations on the sale of unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
and drinks to protect public
health
Use synonyms

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Make your ideas clearer in each paragraph and break long lines into shorter bits.
coherence
Use one main idea per paragraph and begin with it, then add details.
grammar
Fix small grammar and word choice errors so the text reads smoothly.
content
Give more exact facts or known examples to support points.
response
You show a clear view that the gov should act.
lexical
You use common words and easy phrases well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health
  • food
  • drink
  • harm
  • science
  • prove
  • ban
  • rule
  • law
  • shop
  • sell
  • people
  • child
  • adult
  • choice
  • freedom
  • cost
  • benefit
  • risk
  • tax
  • label
  • warning
  • market
  • policy
  • work
  • plan
  • time
  • money
  • fair
  • clear
  • easy
  • difficult
  • strong
  • weak
  • plan
  • idea
  • enforce
  • educate
  • option
  • healthy
  • unhealthy
  • advertising
  • school
  • mother
  • father
  • family
  • society
  • government
What to do next:
Look at other essays: