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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think the purpose of education is to prepare the future workforce and make good members of society. Others think the purpose of education should lead to self-fulfillment. What is your opinion?

The controversial topic concerning
education
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 never fails to attract public attention. There has been a heated debate on whether the
purpose
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 of learning is to prepare the future workforce and make good members of society. As far as I am concerned, I tend to be an advocate regarding
this
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 issue. In
this
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essay
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essay,
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 we will discuss different parameters about the
purpose
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 of
education
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. It is reasonable for me to believe that educational institutions are the forerunners of knowledge, and
we
Correct word choice
that we
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 can gain useful skills through
education
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.
Firstly
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, individuals can learn various knowledge in schools and universities.
For example
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, postgraduate students can learn data analysis and computer science on campus, and after that, they are more likely to find a desirable job when they enter the workforce.
Moreover
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, schools are the place not only
teach
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to teach
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 knowledge but
also
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improve
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to improve
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 students' moral codes, making them
be
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apply
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good members of society.
However
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, there is a common belief that the
purpose
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 of learning can lead to self-fulfilment. First and foremost, reading enables ambiguous individuals to achieve their life goals and career
achievement
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achievements
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.
For instance
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, students who graduate from the Ivy
league
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League
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 can find employment on Wall Street easily, giving them a good starting point and excellent interpersonal resources.
Therefore
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, they have a greater possibility to enjoy a successful life and fulfil themselves.
To sum up
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, I am more
incline
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inclined
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 with the idea that the
purpose
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 of study is to prepare for the future workforce and make good members of society, even though
education
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 can
also
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 help individuals fulfil their
dream
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dreams
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.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating more on the argument for self-fulfillment. Providing more balanced viewpoints could enhance the depth of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas more smoothly. Transition phrases can help clarify the relationship between your points.
coherence and cohesion
Review your introduction for clarity. A more precise thesis statement can strengthen your opening.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear opinion expressed in the introduction, which sets the stage for your argument.
task achievement
You presented relevant examples that support your points, showing a good understanding of the topic.
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