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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in New Port city center from 2003-2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

the chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in New Port city center from 2003-2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph illustrates how many crimes are committed,
dividing
Wrong verb form
divided
show examples
by
Change preposition
into
show examples
 three main types, within Newport city centre between 2003 and 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, in the
beginning
Add a comma
,beginning
show examples
 burglary had the highest
rate
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
,
then
Linking Words
, it decreased dramatically.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, car theft had a high level, but it remained steady.
Moreover
Linking Words
, robbery had a low
rate
Use synonyms
 and its
rate
Use synonyms
 do not fluctuate significantly. Regarding
burglary
Correct article usage
the burglary
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
, in 2003, a number of almost 3500 incidents occur in Newport city centre. The following year there was a small increase, but after that,
burglary
Correct article usage
the burglary
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 fall and in 2008, it reached its lowest level at 1100 incidents.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, it remained steady between 2008 and 2012, covering the
second
Linking Words
 position of rates of crime. Observing car theft, it is interesting to note that it decreased a little bit from 2800 to around 2000 between 2005 and 2006 and
then
Linking Words
, car
theft’s
Change noun form
theft
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 rose slowly until it reached
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2012 the same level
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the beginning.
Thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 type of crime became the most common. Another important crime is robbery which is the least common and its
rate
Use synonyms
remain
Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
show examples
 always between 500 and 800 incidents.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the contrary".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • instances of crime
  • significant decline
  • noticeable change
  • fluctuating trend
  • relatively stable
  • minor fluctuations
  • dramatic reduction
  • converged towards
  • crime rate
  • time frame
  • notable trajectory
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