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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

With the improvements in today's health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed?

#improvements #health #care #society #people #numbers
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With the improvements in today’s health
care
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, society has to
care
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 for more and more elderly people.
This
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 is especially common in developed countries with an established
healthcare
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 system
such
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 as
Australia where
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Australia, where
 the
government
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 aims to subsidise medications
to make
Suggestion
making
 it affordable and accessible to their residents. In my personal opinion, I believe the society,
for example
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, Australia, will be able to cope with
aging
Suggestion
an aging population
aging populations
the aging population
population
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 as long as it’s properly managed by stakeholders
such
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 as the
government
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 and taxpayers. In Australia, the
government
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 combats aging
population
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 by increasing the burden on taxpayers, particularly those earning more than $180,000 annually.
This
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 will allow more funds to be allocated into
Use synonyms
healthcare
Suggestion
health care
, which will mean more hospital beds,
healthcare
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 staff and medical equipment in public hospitals. The money can
also
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 be used for education and research purposes to train young health professionals. All of these initiatives can
then
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 be used to
care
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 for hospitalised elderly people, as well as those living in aged
care
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 facilities and retirement homes.
However
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, one can argue that
aging
Suggestion
the aging population
an aging population
population
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 is extremely difficult to
manage particularly
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manage, particularly
 in overpopulated and poor countries
such
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 as India. With the demand for
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healthcare
Suggestion
health care
 exceeding the supply of medical resources available, there is nearly no room for each elderly to access the most basic
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healthcare
Suggestion
health care
.
Hence
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, the Indian
government
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 had made attempts to solve their aging
population
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 by receiving foreign international aid in the form of money, qualified
healthcare
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 professionals or modern medical instruments. All in all, I believe that society can cope with
aging
Suggestion
an aging population
aging populations
the aging population
population
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 as long as all stakeholders are actively involved in managing
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Submitted by rwng6 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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