IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Shopping is the favorite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some useful activities in their free time?

#pastime #people #activities #time
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Shopping has become an integral part of our life. Young people are more attracted to shopping
compare
Suggestion
comparison
 to older generation and
this
Linking Words
 is due to the fact it has become a habit for them. Some people argue that people spend more
time
Use synonyms
 in other beneficial activities in their free
time
Use synonyms
. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 point, because
time
Use synonyms
 is the most precious thing we have in
this
Linking Words
 world. To start with, People spend more
time
Use synonyms
in shopping because they
Suggestion
shopping because they
 have more purchasing power. There are many job opportunities available in the market compared to the past and almost all of them paid well. So peoples disposable income has been increased and they spend
this
Linking Words
 in shopping. Another essential point is people spend due to influence by their peers who do shopping at almost every week, with no reasons. A recent survey from
abc
Suggestion
ABC
 at the shopping mall in Kurukshetra city, indicate that most of their sales come from younger people, whom just start their career. In my view,
Time
Use synonyms
 is the most important thing and cannot be reverted. So we should encourage people to do some useful activities like sports or gym rather than wasting their
time
Use synonyms
 in shopping.
Moreover
Linking Words
, people from technical background can spend their
time
Use synonyms
 to enhance their skills.
For example
Linking Words
, Technical people can learn Artificial Intelligence, which would help them to grow in their career. To conclude,
this
Linking Words
 is true that younger people attract to
shopping very
Accept comma addition
shopping, very
 easily, but they should think and encourage about other activities which keep them healthy and up to date, which would help in their career.
Submitted by xorig76408 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: