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Band 5.5

Modern culture around the world have become similar when compared to the past. What are the reasons. Is it a positive development or a negative development, in your opinion.

#culture #world #development
In
this
 expeditiously evolving world, culture, which was earlier exclusive to its own community, has now evolved
similar
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similarly
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 across the globe in its modern form. It is speculated that certain cultural practices have now been adopted around the world. I propound that it is a positive development and I will reason my outlook diligently before implicating a rational conclusion. Throwing light on the pertinent reasons, I believe that with the advancements in international trade, tourism and globalization, people have learned numerous customs of other regions.
Consequently
, it has proliferated business transactions and tourism
rate
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rates
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.
Next,
immigration, which involves settling permanently in a different part of the world, brings various cultures
along with
 it.
As a result
, many people in that country start to practise different cultural activities and festivals. To illustrate,
due to
a
Correct article usage
the
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 decent number of Indians in Canada, Diwali is celebrated by a large proportion of people, including Canadians.
Furthermore
, the internet is another prominent rationale behind the burgeoning cross-culture. Throwing light on positive developments, I reckon that
due to
 the cultural mix, our emotional intelligence has ameliorated as we have developed the capacity to comprehend other customs.
As a result
, bonds among various nations have strengthened.
Moreover
,
this
 has given a gamut of opportunities to businessmen to grow their
business
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businesses
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 overseas without many cultural barriers. To illustrate, a great number of Chinese are now doing business with Canada,
due to
 increasing
immigrants
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immigration
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 and tourism between both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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countries. And,
this
 has benefited the regimes and the dwellers of both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nations. To recapitulate, I accentuate that
the
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apply
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modern culture is now
quite
Rephrase
more
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 familiar across the globe than ever before,
due to
 improved globalization, finer immigration policies and enhanced social media platforms, which
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 brought countless advantages,
although
 we should never forget our roots.
Therefore
, it is recommended to keep a balance between modern culture and old customs.

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task response
Task Response: The essay provides a relevant and comprehensive response to the task. It discusses the reasons for cultural similarity and presents a well-reasoned opinion on whether it is a positive or negative development.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay demonstrates a good logical structure, with clear introduction and conclusion. The ideas are supported with relevant examples and the essay shows good use of cohesive devices. However, there could be more variety in linking words and a clearer progression of ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural homogenization
  • Globalization
  • Multinational corporations
  • Consumerism
  • Cross-cultural interactions
  • Cultural diversity
  • Communication technologies
  • Cultural imperialism
  • Global community
  • Cultural richness
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