IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Modern cultures around the world have become similar when compared to the past. What are the reasons. Is it a positive or negative development?

#cultures #world #development
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In
this
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 contemporary world, modern cultures around the globe have become indistinguishable, when compared to the past. There are various reasons responsible for
this
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 shift.
Although
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,
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apply
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 some believe it to be a negative development, I reckon it to be positive. The convenient travel and migration from one country to another, have made
people
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 experience the differences and adopt them, as part of their lifestyle.
This
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 helps in mixing and adapting to the changed environment well.
Apart from
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this
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, the internet has played a tremendously vital role in
this
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 mentality change. The content available online is taken up from diverse countries,
hence
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people
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 have started following the changed trend.
Moreover
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, famous brands have spread the wings throughout,
for example
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, in a country like India, burgers and pizzas have become very common, because of the wide range of foreign outlets like Burger King available. To embark on the outlook, which contemplates it to be a positive shift, some savants that the understanding and respect for the various cultures have elevated and
as a result
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, the unwanted differences have
mitigated
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been mitigated
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. With the burgeoning commonalities,
people
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 don't feel the status discrepancy based on certain
prejudice
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prejudices
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.
For instance
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, the
western
Capitalize word
Western
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 clothing style has gained prodigious popularity on the Eastern side
Rephrase
apply
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also
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, and wearing jeans is common throughout the globe.
However
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, some
people
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 believe that with
this
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 change, the uniqueness of diverse traditions
are
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is
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 lost. To summarize, I would say that with the reduced differences the feeling of empathy and respect have increased and
thus
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, everyone feels to be at the same level sidelining the dissimilarities.
Hence
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, we can apparently say it to be a positive development.

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task response
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, showing an understanding of the essay structure. The essay also supports the main points with relevant examples, demonstrating a good level of coherence and cohesion. However, there are points that could be further developed to fully address the task requirements.
coherence and cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical progression of ideas and a clear introduction and conclusion. However, there are some areas where the coherence and cohesion could be improved. The essay would benefit from more cohesive devices and clearer connections between ideas.
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